Crystalline Adventures

Editing the Sunset

2010-12-14T15:09:00.000-08:00

I had a dream a few days ago in which I and a million others were devoted to re-painting the sunset everyday. We wore white suits. There were the erasers and the painters. I was a painter. It was a lot of work. But oh so very quiet and tranquil. Each person was dedicated to painting a square. it was a 5-dimensional dream. :)

Insanity

2010-04-14T16:58:00.001-07:00

They say that insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

Today I will start to do something new, then.

Yesterday's Productivity Followed by a Very Unproductive Day

2010-02-23T20:38:00.000-08:00

I just couldn't get motivated today. Maybe it was the snow in Austin. Maybe it was just me.

The World Keeps Spinning

2010-02-22T20:49:00.001-08:00

There are some days where I just can't understand how almost four years have gone by since I started grad school for Russian Studies only to switch my program to dual-degree with public policy a year later. That in itself has served to delay my progress, along with one very difficult statistics class and my interest in completing both language acquisition programs during the summer and competitive internships during the school year.

Delay my progress: see, that's key to understanding how I think. Why I feel something is wrong all of the time right now. I worked really hard and fell short. Sure, there are other jobs out there, and yes, I've already started applying. But I feel so behind and a lengthy job search will just slow my ultimate progress both in a career as well as in the realm of personal development.

Here I am. 4 years later. I am about 30 lbs heavier than I was in 2006. I have a major burden of student loans to think of. I am tremendously more stressed than I have ever been, even when I worked 3 jobs my final semester in college. I have a roommate (and I'd rather be able to afford to live by myself). I don't own a washer and dryer. I don't dry clean my clothes nearly as often as I would like. I will not finish these degrees until this summer, when I will finally have time to concentrate on my thesis. I will not have my car paid off like I planned by this time. I have no job offers.

What I do have: Resources at my School that I need to take more advantage of, my great friends like paderball who made some delicious banana bread this evening, I have DK, my family, I do still have the car by some miracle, I have the willpower (or at least will have it) to exercise and work on my weight problem, I have my life ahead of me.

Sorry this is such a rambling little post. So much going through my head. I've studied for no less than 8 hours today and was in class for 3 more. That's on top of all the other things one does during the day like eat/work out. I think I'm entitled to some rambles every now and then.

I am 26. By the time my mom was 26, I was almost 7 years old and had a little baby sister. She had a husband, a dog, a home, and a job.

I'm not really interested in the husband, but a home, dog, and job would be nice. Allie D might disagree with the dog-bit. She makes me smile at least once a day. Thank God for that.

Today

2010-02-16T15:40:00.001-08:00

Today I am worried about money.

I'm trying to act fiscally responsible. I will have student loans come due whenever I finish school, which should be the summer.

That's about it.

Thinking about giving up restaurants for Lent. Will be challenging, but maybe it will force me to use my Julia Childs cookbook a little more.

Dealing with Disappointment

2010-02-07T19:02:00.001-08:00

A couple of weeks ago I received an email notifying me that my candidacy for the Foreign Service had ended. The letter stated that I should be proud of my accomplishments, that passing the written foreign service exam is a great achievement, but that I did not pass the Qualifications Evaluation Panel in order to continue on to the next step: the Oral Exam.

I picked the most difficult cone, political, in applying because that is where my interests lie. During my internship in Moscow, I worked in the political external section of the embassy. I worked hard and learned how to be concise. Speaking in meetings and expressing an opinion during discussions had been the hardest thing for me to do during the internship. But by the end of it, I was talking, I was leading my own interviews with experts from the field, and I was actively participating in all aspects of work in the political section.

I was so proud of my time in Moscow. Not every small town Texas girl gets to say she spent time working in one of America's largest embassies, studying and reporting on trends on one of America's most strategic partnerships. After that experience, I just knew I had to throw my hat in the ring. I had to apply. I had to at least try.

I've been studying Russian off and on for about 8 years. I've reached an Advanced High fluency in the language according to ACTFL. I went to grad school after undergrad to further explore my interests in public policy, foreign policy, international development, global security, and of course, Russian studies. I've held numerous internships and fellowships during this time. I've done those things. And I am almost finished. Even though graduation still seems so far away, I do know and recognize that I am almost finished. Just a few more classes and a pesky thesis, and I'll be on my way to new, better, and brighter things. I've laid the groundwork for my success in life, even if it may be hard to see it right this moment.

I talked to the Diplomat-In-Residence at the LBJ School about my news. I'm taking a course-US Diplomacy-and I got the news the day before the second meeting of this class. He told me that over 27,000 applicants took the test this past year for 800 positions. He also told me to consider applying for a different cone and that many people do not pass the exam the first time, and that I should be proud of how far I made it in the process. Next year DoS will hire 1000 new FSO's. And I plan to apply, even though I will need to wait almost a full year from the time that I took the exam-October, 2009.

I've taken this failure pretty badly. It's been really hard to step outside of myself and see this for what it is: a learning process. Instead, I have tended to internalize it. Even now labeling it a failure shows the depths of how I feel about myself and how I feel about my results. Financial woes are really beginning to frighten me as my life as a student, with the comfy cushion of student loans, will be ending soon. But I have the support (financial and otherwise) of my family, friends, colleagues, co-workers, and one pretty swell guy. I'm going to get through it. One day at a time. And hopefully I will learn something about myself in the process.

I'll leave you guys with a couple of quotations to mull over, and if you have any words of wisdom, I'm open for anything right now.

Lord Alfred Tennyson (one of my favorite poets)

I hold it true, whate'er befall;
I feel it, when I sorrow most;
'Tis better to have loved and lost
Than never to have loved at all.

Robert F. Kennedy

Only those who dare to fail greatly can ever achieve greatly.

Счастливо!

Суббота в Миддлбери

2009-06-27T14:28:00.000-07:00

Today I successfully managed to rest and relax. I got up this morning, got breakfast, did 3 loads of laundry, played a game of Carcassone online with a friend, got lunch, previewed my homework for the weekend to know how long it is going to take, took an hour and a half nap, went to the swimming pool to swim, only to find out it was closed, showered, and am now waiting for dinner time. After dinner I am going to watch this film http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0372366/

for middlebury's international film festival. Every year each of the language schools brings in a great director along with a recent film, and they talk about their film and answer questions. It's really cool. This director's name is Boris Khlebnikov. Which is just funny. Khleb in Russian means bread. Lots of Russian names are like that, though. For example, Medved means bear. Right now the president of Russia is Dmitri Medvedev.

Anyway, that's your interesting fact for the day. I miss home and Austin. But it was a cool feeling to wake up and realize that I was thinking in Russian this morning... :-)

Middlebury, еще раз

2009-06-21T09:24:00.000-07:00

I was given the opportunity to study at Middlebury, Russkaya Shkola, again this summer through the welfare of my parents and a substantial grant from Middlebury College. On the whole, I am very glad to be back, though the workload is daunting and the solitude that comes from being allowed to only speak with family and friends a few times a week who do not speak Russian can be overwhelming.

Middlebury is a very pretty place. Always green. Always alive and fresh. Right now I am sitting in the library working, and looking out the window I can see mountains with clouds covering the topс of them. It's moments like these when I wish I was more creative, and could paint the picture of my view from the window just a little better. :-)

This kind of landscape and climate is so very different from what I am used to in Texas that I cannot help but feel separated from my life in Texas. In that way, life at Middlebury is refreshing for me. It's the place where I was able to re-build a foundation in the Russian language last summer, and this summer, at an advanced level, I hope to be able to increase my fluency in the language even more. This ability I hope will give me an edge during the next year as I begin the 300000000000 meter hurdle race of finding a job after graduate school. Everyone, it seems, is worried about being able to find a job in this time of economic instability in our country. Finding a job, however, is exciting to me. Yes, I "need" a job. Yes, I "must" have a job after graduation. But for me, a job symbolizes a new beginning for which these last 8 years have all been preparation. The challenge of finding a job, a job in my fields of interest, is a challenge that I have prepared for. This is the reason why I studied Russian and Serbian, decided to pursue not one, but two graduate degrees simultaneously, and worked so very hard to get one of the most competitive internships in my field. Last semester was the first time I didn't work while going to school, and it was really about renewing my energy, interest, and drive to finish strong at the LBJ School. After Middlebury last summer, and the internship in Moscow, I was just so completely exhausted, it was so hard to remember why I was doing this in the first place. Being back at Middlebury with less than a year of schoolwork left (ahem, lets not forget about a thesis to write- you know, no biggie), I feel so close to reaching my goals, and this realization is a relief. I am so close to being the person that I would like to become.

Happy Father's Day to my dad and grandpas. You have all supported me in different ways over the years. Thanks for all you do, and still do for me. Love you much, Crystal.

Easter Vigil

2009-04-11T17:24:00.000-07:00

I remember this day last year vividly. I had just spent about 10 hours trying to figure out how to do a problem in my statistics class, only to check my grades online and find out that I had royally failed the midterm, and would have had to ace everything after it to come out with a C. Needless to say, stat's classes are not my strongest area. I pretty much struggled with it, and finally decided, after a long talk with my dad, that I should drop the course. I spent so much time on it, though, that I had a ton of stuff for my other classes to do, and decided that I couldn't go home for Easter, for the first time in my entire life. It may not seem like a big deal, but trust me, being raised in a Catholic family...this was a big deal to me.

So on Sunday, my family decided to drive up to Austin to me. I was so happy! My parents really dislike driving to Austin, so I really appreciated them making the gesture of coming to me, and it allowed us to be together on this holiday weekend.

I dreaded making that decision. It definitely undercut my self-esteem, and made me think I was never going to be able to use those skills for, for example, my professional report. Furthermore, dropping the course was financially detrimental as well. Not only did I lose the money I spent on the course, plus the books, I also had to sign up for the course again this semester because this course is required in my program. It also delayed my graduation by a semester as well.

Needless to say, my dread for taking this course was fairly strong. Not only did I go into it knowing that I am not interested in this subject, I went in knowing that I have already almost failed at it. So I did what I thought I needed to do. I took the least amount of hours possible to be a full-time graduate student (9 hrs.), I looked for a part-time job-but wasn't too terribly upset when I wasn't able to find a suitable one, and I put my nose to the books. I worked hard, and am a little amazed at how much better I am doing this semester. I am taking a different professor, who takes a different angle at regression analysis, and I think that has helped tremendously. I tend to over-extend myself each semester, so the slowness this semester has been quite frustrating at times, but I think that has helped me more than anything else in getting through this course.

This year, I had enough time to come home and am working on my hw and classes from here. My family is waiting on my mom to come home this year (she's an accountant and April 15th is falling after Easter this year -booooo), but tomorrow, we will all be together, like we have been my entire life. As I grow up, I know this won't always be the case. We don't do anything too special during Holy Week; we just go to masses, make and eat too much food, and hang out with one another. But I know I'll miss these days one day.

Happy Easter, everyone!

A Fear

2009-03-16T21:33:00.000-07:00

As silly as it may seem, one of my main fears is that my friends won't get along with one another. But you know, it's not really silly if it's true.

Last week one of my most liberal of friends, another moderate-to liberal leaning friend, and my most conservative friend all ate a nice, mostly pleasant meal together. I think I was probably the most uncomfortable of the group, considering I was the social engineer. Needless to say, while it wasn't disastrous, it definitely wasn't ideal. I really don't know what I was thinking. I should have been more careful. Then again, intolerance is an unacceptable trait to possess. People have different views, which do not necessarily make them ignorant. If you test them on their views, and they are ignorant, well then, that's another story.

This event also made me re-assess how exactly it is I value my friends, what they bring to the table, and what I can offer them. My conservative, Catholic friend, S, is a walking contradiction, and I don't think I'll ever understand exactly how it is that she reconciles all of her beliefs. I don't just keep her around for comic relief, however. Since I was raised Catholic, and because she is one of the few people at the university who is studying Serbian and modern-day Serbian politics, we do always have plenty to talk about. I also feel like I come from a similar socio-economic background as she does, which also makes her easier to relate to.

However, I completely respect and admire J&J, their ideals, their ambition, and their sincerity as they strive to do what is best to serve the public and the environment.

For me, I know I fall somewhere in between S and J. It's why I like them both, and why I will continue to divide my time between different groups of people. In a perfect world, however, they would both be invited to the game night I am hosting tomorrow evening. But they are not. :/

Couple of Firsts

2009-03-04T20:07:00.000-08:00

So today was my roommate's birthday, and I bought her a Hey Cupcake to start it off right. I'd like to take a moment and just say how much I appreciate having Miss K as a roommate. I hear horror stories from friends about their roommates, and I've had a couple of my own moments where I really wish I hadn't lived with someone. So, I was bracing myself when I decided that I needed a roommate. I enjoy living by myself, but living with Miss K has been quite nice. I am soo soo sooooo grateful that she puts up with me! She and I get along very well, are courteous to each other, and even like each other enough to hang out sometimes, without actually having the pressure of hanging out all of the time. So it's a pretty sweet deal.

Anyways, this evening I hugh out with Miss K for her b-day. We went to Trudy's and then went to her friends' place to watch Lost. They are Lost junkies; they watch every episode every week, no one is allowed to talk during the show, there's even a girl taking notes. No joke. Needless to say I was totally lost (please excuse the pun). haha. But also intrigued. Maybe I'll watch the earlier seasons when we turn our cable off. (trying to save money every where we can! another reason why i love my roomie!) The other first, was that K was in the band, so I was hanging out with a whole bunch of band nerds! It reminded me so much of what I liked about those people. They really do have unique personalities. Hard to explain!

Anyways, I've finished my work for the day. I think I actually did better on the problem setI turned in today than my previous one for my Advanced Empirical Methods class. Now I'm going to relax and catch the end of the Spurs-Mavs game!

Go Spurs Go!

Social Butterfly

2009-03-01T13:08:00.000-08:00

Last night I went to dinner with a friend, who I had not seen in a while (since we were both in Russia). It was great to see her b/c I get to talk about the things I love the most with her, and I don't have to explain anything. She gets it. Actually she knows more than I do about it because that's what she lives, breathes, sleeps, and eats. What is it? Foreign policy and politics.

Miss Zeepzonk is moving and packing today. I made mango salsa to take over to her place, and help for a while. But I also very much need to clean and study today. So I don't know how long I'll be over there

I think I may need to do volunteer work for the next 3 months. A job is not in the cards this semester. It's very upsetting to want to work and not find anything worthwhile to work on (and be paid for it), when there is so much work that is worthwhile but unpaid. I may volunteer for Lee Leffingwell's campaign for Mayor of Austin. Or work on something for the ACLU relating to the stimulus package, or my last option is to work as an intern for a company that my friend works for. The last job would be incredible. I really would love to do it, but I also know that it may be the most demanding of the three options I've laid out for myself. And given the fact that I am taking a class which seems to be the most difficult class of my life, I don't know if I should try to balance both. I also don't know what the requirements of the length of stay of the internship would be. So I need to verify with my friend the terms of the internship (not to mention formally apply), before I go for it.

My internship last fall was the highlight of my career, thus far. It showed me what I was working towards, and that what I am working towards is worthwhile. I get so excited talking about foreign policy, I really need more FP junkie friends. I love my group of friends, and I love the diversity they bring to my life. However, I don't feel like I get enough time to discuss current events with them. Or at least, they would rather talk about domestic politics while I would like to talk about Russia's latest ploy to exert influence in Central Asia and the consequences of depending on Russia as an alternative supply route to Afghanistan. Just a slightly different topic.

Deadlines

2009-02-26T06:26:00.001-08:00

In grad school, I have come to have a certain disregard for the terms "deadline" and "due date." They have very little meaning to the average graduate student. If you can turn in a better product a few hours (or days) later, then that is usually what we aim to do.

However, I do recognize that when I do have a real job, which I hope to have someday soon, deadlines will matter, and will show your employer that you can manage your time and that you respect your job. Today, however, I am turning in my stat's homework a day late. It just wasn't going to be the best product if I turned it in yesterday. At least that is what I keep telling myself.

Nothing much new to report here. I am no longer sick, which is great. I went to the doctor and found that I had bronchitis for like the kazillionth time. I am really tired of catching a cold, and it turning into a situation where I cannot breathe. But there's not much to be done except taking vitamins, exercising, and staying the hell away from sick people.

So, I started running again on Monday. And depending on how I do over the next couple of weeks will help me decide if I will run the Austin Cap10K on March 29. I really want to, but I also want to be able to do it running non-stop, or at most taking only a couple of walking breaks. I would also like to do it in under 1 hr. 30min's. I think that is possible for me. I've never run a 10K before, and right now I am just doing it to run the distance and show myself I can do it, not really for the time. Time goals will come after distance/weight goals.

In terms of my weight goals, I don't know if I've made any progress this month, to be honest. I'll find out on Friday, but I doubt I will have progressed.

In other news, my friend Miss Zeepzonk got her first real J.O.B.!!!! We are all really excited for her. However, she is moving to Dallas, and her new job starts March 1st. So she is not going to run the 10K with me, and she is in Dallas as we speak with Mr. Paderball looking for a place to live. I am so happy for her, but also will miss having her just down the road. It'll be an adjustment for me, no doubt. But hopefully she'll come visit often!

I hope everyone is having a great Thursday morning. I'm off to finish my silly work, and then possibly go for a longish run. Later.

It Never Fails...

2009-02-15T16:59:00.000-08:00

I set running goals, and weight goals for that matter. And then one or two, or three or four things distract, discourage, or just prevents me from pursuing those goals.

This time it was a bout of feelings brought on by a lack of show of progress, and a little itty bitty cold.

I haven't ran since Monday, because Mondays run was simply awful. Sadie, the little dog that's been running with me occasionally was not having it. She was interesting in everything but running. And the legs cramps in my calves was excruciating. I had to stop and walk much more than I typically allow myself. So, I decided to give myself the day off on Tuesday b/c of Monday, but by Wednesday it was clear that I had come down with a cold. Not a really bad, blown-up bronchial one, but one that has me coughing up all sorts of smelly mucusy grossness, and feeling pretty simply fairly low about myself. I haven't studied at all this weekend. My sister actually came to town, and we did a lot of socializing, and so between pet-sitting, my sister, my feelings, and my cold, I have accomplished very little in the way of long-term running/fitness goals, or the short-term classes/not making rash decisions/prioritizing my time/finding a job goals.

But today is Sunday. It's a new week, with new possibilities. I feel better today than I did yesterday or Friday. While my legs are itching to run, my lungs are most certainly not. I've studied a good portion of the day. And I generally feel better about life. Generally speaking. I just want this week to be much better than last...if I have anything to say about it.

What's Up World?

2009-02-12T20:24:00.000-08:00

So many topics, so little time. I should really start being more focused in these updates.

First of all, I'd like to talk about chance and fate. Today I went shopping (I didn't buy anything b/c I do not have a job), oh, should I talk about the not having a job part first? hmm. I'll talk about that in a sec...

K. So chance and fate. I went shopping and I overheard two Russian women conversing while they shopped. I wonder how often this happens in real life, or if my ears are just tuned in to Russian...and/or Serbian. I hear Russian all the time, very much by chance. And I always think about my life, and my future when I hear it.

Right now I am watching an old documentary on AIDs in Russia from 1997. It's a huge epidemic, closely related to heroin addiction and prostitution in Russia. Unfortunately, it's a problem that has been barely addressed 10 years after this documentary, with nearly 12 million people expected to be infected by 2020. In a population of 140 million, and one that is shrinking for that matter, this is a very alarming figure.

I try to do something, think in Russian for about an hour everyday. Some days I read (I should read the news in Russian, and in English for that matter, every day), others I listen to music, I try to watch a movie once a week, and this is how I plan to maintain my skills until I return to Middlebury this summer. Next week I am meeting with my mentor and long-time professors, E.M. It will be my first meeting with her post-Middlebury and post-Russia, and she will surely be the best judge of my improvement. When I start to think about 2008, I am quite amazed. I am amazed by my improvement in the language, and with the application of my skills as well as knowledge, in Russia. Living in Russia renewed my discipline and my passion to pursue my goals.

So job. In order to pursue my goals and uphold my obligations, I need a job. I've applied for office assistant jobs, jobs at the Capitol, blah blah, jobs jobs, I've applied at restaurants. Nothing. Nothing Nothing. I'm going to apply at a Temp Agency until I find something more permanent. But what am I saying, permanent is like, only 3 months for me. I have this other tentative plan to possibly be a dog walker. But it entails trying to get the word out, without too much trouble, and also without too much overlapping of friends. I mean, it's pretty obvious that you should never mix friends and business. But I genuinely enjoy spending time with animals of all shapes and sizes, and I've been doing this for friends for years without being paid. I also know that people do this for a living, so why shouldn't I try? You know. Well, who knows if I'll actually go through with it. Maybe a real job will come my way and I won't have to worry about this any more.

Anyways, that's about it. School is solid. Sadie is sleeping underneath my pillow. I don't know how she dug herself under it, but she did. I am sick, but will be taking a ton of meds tomorrow, as my sister is coming into town for her belated 21st celebratory weekend. woot woot!

"25 Things"

2009-01-30T16:09:00.000-08:00

So everyone on facebook is all about the 25 things forward and tag right now. I'm bored in the library on a Friday afternoon waiting for the traffic to lessen so I can go home, so shoot, here it goes.

1. My favorite dessert in the entire world is ice cream. Some of you may know that I once had a blog all about it. haha. My favorite candy is jellybelly jelly beans. :-)

2. Sad movies or tv episodes, or even a few songs can make me cry. My family relentlessly teases me about this. However, I can't remember the last time I cried at a funeral. So I don't know what that means.

3. I have a long-term goal to run a 10k, and then a half-marathon, which I think I may actually accomplish this year. *fingers crossed* Maybe someday after I accomplish these goals, I'll think about a marathon.

4. I want irreconcilably different things out of life. Part of me would be happy with a bunch of animals, on a sizable piece of property, renovating a Victorian house. The other part of me never wants to be tied down to any place so I can see the world. Hopefully I will find some happy compromise when I grow up. (I don't feel like a "grown-up")

5. I want to travel much much much more than I have.

6. Sometimes I wish I had joined the peace corps instead of going to grad school after undergrad. Maybe some day I'll re-consider it after I pay back these pesky student loans.

7. My internship last semester was the single best work experience I've ever had. I would do it again given the opportunity.

8. I finally have confidence in my Russian speaking and comprehending abilities. It took me a long time to develop it, but I am so glad that I am here. There's only one direction to go from here, and that's up.

9. I was raised Catholic, but I don't know how I feel about believing in God. It's something I think about every day, and maybe someday I'll find the answer.

10. I consider several people to be my close friends. I've always had a problem with the concept of best friend, because I feel like we show varying aspects of ourselves to different people, and that we change, or our friends change over time. So I would say I have different people that I confide different things to.

11. I've probably changed more in the past 3 years than I did all throughout high school and college. I've always been somewhat of a late bloomer, I guess.

12. I like Rockband a lot, not simply b/c it's fun, but for the first time in my life I am actually singing the right words to the songs!!!! But yes, I typically sing even when I don't know the words.

13. I raised a lot of animals during my childhood, which gave me a lot of entertaining stories, anecdotes, and unused (not useless) knowledge during adulthood. I think my animals made me a more responsible person.

14. I am fairly naive, despite my 25 years of existence. I don't know when I'll ever catch on.

15. I am fairly bad with directions. Hence the fact that my dad bought me a GPS device for my birthday last year. I think he was tired of me calling him to google things. In Russia, one of the other interns couldn't read Russian, so I would translate the map, and she would navigate. It worked out well.

16. I like dancing a lot. I am thinking about taking swing dancing lessons soon, possibly Blues too.

17. My favorite books are (in no particular order): How to Kill a Mockingbird, Master and Margarita, The Unbearable Lightness of Being, The Fountainhead, Lines of Fate, Farewell to Arms, The Awakening, and Everything is Illuminated. My favorite children's books are The Chonicles of Narnia. However, I remember reading a lot of scary books about ghosts and stuff as a kid, so maybe that's why I am incredibly frightened by scary movies today.

18. I haven't seen any classically scary horror films.

19. I also tell people that I am pop-culturally challenged. We grew up without cable tv, so a lot of references are lost on me. But I am catching on. I learned who the Material Girl is last year. So there's hope yet.

20. My great grandpa and my grandpa are the same age: 92. Explanation: one is my dad's grandfather and the other is my mom's dad. My grandpa had 12 kids...I have a really really large extended family.

21. My next language to conquer is Serbian, I hope. I would love to go to the Balkans...

22. I may go to law school one day, or get a ph.d. I haven't decided which one. It's too far in the future to determine just yet.

23. I like giving people presents. I hope they like them.

24. I used to be incredibly introverted, but now am quite extro in certain ways. I think that is why I haven't been able to read as diligently as I used to.

25. I am incredibly indecisive. Just ask my sister.

26. I pretend to be spontaneous. But I think the indecisiveness negates the spontaneity. That's probably for the best.

2. I am a rebel rule-breaker. Hence the extra things. :-)

2. I think I am really really funny. But most people don't seem to get it. My sister has explained to me several times that I truly am not, but I still don't believe her.

Printer

2009-01-29T22:38:00.000-08:00

I forgot to mention how thoroughly and utterly defeated I was by a HP printer today. Ridic.

A Thursday

2009-01-29T15:19:00.000-08:00

Thursdays for me, when I am here in Austin, pretty much is synonymous with swing dancing. Every Thursday at the Texas Women's Federation, there is a big swing dance with a side room of some kind of other style of dancing. It's always so much fun, and I have a great time. However, recently I've hit some kind of plateau. There are so many great dancers and I feel that a lot of the leads are too good for me, so I try to avoid them. Yet dancing with beginners is also showing me how much I have learned. What I really need to do is take a few lessons like Miss Z did and really learn to be comfortable with some of the moves.

I am all settled in to my new place (for 4 months at least) and am in need of a job. I can tell I will need a job, not only b/c I desperately need to make a car payment, or save up for my summer plans, but b/c I have too much free time on my hands. One of my classes will demand a great deal of attention. Another one is extremely interesting to me, and I'll want to spend some time doing the extra readings, but the last one, a required one no less-Advanced Management, is the biggest waste of time. I can't believe it's required, and I seem to have to restrain myself every class period from rolling my eyes. Blah. I guess that's life.

This afternoon I spent about 3 hours trying to install my "new" printer to no avail. This printer is technically new, but it sat under my bed for 3 years unused, and now the factory warranty has run out, and HP will not give me technical support unless I pay for it. There is no feeling like the feeling of being defeated by faulty, allusive technology. Needless to say, I am not in the best of moods. But undoubtedly getting out and dancing will lift my spirits.

Я так рада, чтобы быть в Остине!

2009-01-25T05:52:00.000-08:00

Hi World!

Not a whole lot to report, except school has started, I've finally moved back to Austin, I'm running again kinda, and oh yeah, the best country in the entire world has a new president!!! And one with the audacity to hope!

Zeepzonk and Miss Beauty Queen both came over and helped keep me company, and actually helped for a little while yesterday. I have the majority of my clothes in the closet. Once I finish those I am going to get my desk in order, and probably put everything else aside to get started on the tremendous amounts of homework I have piling up. Right now, I should probably go to the grocery store and get some food as I woke up hungry. I didn't eat dinner last night b/c I had an incredibly large lunch. Some time today, I'd also like to get a run in, but it's soooo cold!! 37 degrees is not running weather for this Texas girl.

When I'm Down, I Can't Get Better...When I'm Up I Can't Get Down

2009-01-12T20:06:00.000-08:00

I've been listening to the Great Big Sea lately. It's a band from New Foundland, and they are fun and light, feel-good kinda music. I met a guy in Russia who was from that little island and he introduced me to them. I won't stay in contact with him, but I do hope he and his new little family are doing well.

It's weird how quickly you forget things when you leave a place. I keep remembering things I thought I'd never forget while I was in Russia. I really should spend some time just writing about my experiences, as well as reading and speaking in Russian. I need all of the practice I can get at this juncture. I think I am going to take my OPI (Oral Proficiency Interview) exam next month. They say that the best time to take one of these exams is a couple months after your immersion experience. That way you can really tell how much has sunk in, and where you are at in the language. I think I'll definitely be at a 2 to a 2+ right now. Considering I tend to underestimate my abilities, I think that is quite remarkable given my abilities last year at this time.

Only one more week until school starts and I am ready for it to begin. I have my classes picked out, however, two are full and wait-listed so I will have to see if I can actually get into them. But I have never had a problem getting into a class I wanted to take before. There isn't much to report in the way of news. I've been dividing my time between Bandera, San Antonio, and Austin. Though, I am in Houston now for a few days with my uncles. Still searching for a job, but I have found a place to live. I am actually really happy about it too. I haven't had a roommate since college, but KB and I took a year-long class together last year and were in the same group for most of it. We get along well, rent is well within my range, and I'll have my own bathroom. Location is not excellent, but I do think it could be worse, and I know I've lived in worse. All in all I am excited. KB is getting married a few months after she graduates in May and her fiance lives in Dallas now. Which means frequent trips up there, which means, lots of time where I will have the apartment all to myself. Also, I knew KB was the roommate for me when I saw that she has a pretty good collection of games. I really do think it's going to be a fun semester. I've only signed the lease through the semester, and will probably have to find a new roommate then, but for now it's a relief to know where I am going to be during this semester.

I guess something else to know is that Miss Zeepzonk and I have both started running again. I've been meaning to for some time. I used some of my Christmas money to buy a new pair of shoes, and I hit the trails that day. I am not please with how easily I can get out of breath right now, but I will slowly build up my stamina once again. Zeepzonk and I plan to run a 10k and two half-marathons by the end of the year. My goal is to run a marathon before I graduate. I think that is within reach. And this isn't even my new year's resolution. My new year's resolution is to stop being rash and really try to be patient and think through my decisions. I think I did that with apartment hunting, and it really worked out for the best. I need to do this in other areas of my life, as well. Like relationships-friendship and family. I just need to be more patient, and work through choices, instead of making a bad one and then have to pay for it 3 years down the road.

Well, that's enough boring stuff about me for now. I am going to get back to my Harry Potter book. I've never read them, and am surprised by how good they really are. I'm on the third one, Prisoner of Azkaban, and it's Christmas time at Hogwarts! It was extra fun to read these through the Christmas holidays, I believe. :-)

Christmas With the Family

2008-12-26T19:14:00.000-08:00

I was home for Christmas this year, pretty much like every year. Because of my trip to Moscow, I had missed Thanksgiving, and I have to say it felt nice to be home with the family during the holidays, despite the terrible head cold that doesn't seem to be going away.

But anyways, every Christmas Eve my mom, sister, and I go to my grandfather's place to see my mom's side of the family. Every year there are the bickering aunts, the weird uncles, and the good-for-nothing cousins, with a few good ones thrown in for good measure. Well, this year, I received a gift from one of my most whacky aunts. I was a little afraid to open it and was bracing myself to have to put on a fake smile and a fake "thank you." However, I was very much surprised by what she gave me. It was two framed original ruble bills from 1910 and 1912. One was a 100 ruble bill and the other was a 500, so they had respectively Peter the Great, and I believe Elizabeth on them. It didn't look like Catherine the Great, and Besides Catherine the 1st, who has a very distinct face, I can't think of which other great Russian woman would be on the bill. Anyways, she said that she had given him to her late husband, my uncle, several years ago and thought of me when she found them. It is seriously one of those gifts you'll never forget. I am still amazed she gave it to me, because I have never been very close to her. I told her that I thought they could be worth something, and I don't know if she knew that when she gave them to me. When I get back to school, (that is, if I find a place to live, pick some classes, and find a part-time job in the next few weeks) I'll do some research and see if anyone in the Russian department can help me with them. Regardless, they are really cool, and I don't plan to ever sell them. I like them too much. It's just really neat that she thought of me at all.

Well, hope all of my friends had a great Christmas. New Year's is just around the corner!

Productivity Level is Climbing

2008-12-19T16:53:00.000-08:00

So, my first few days back in the states were spent with family and friends. I am currently pet/house-sitting for J&J, who are having a jolly old time in Buenos Aires right now. Which for me means I have a huge 3-bedroom house, two adorable cats, and an elliptical machine all to myself.

I've spent three days here, and I am slowly making progress on the finding a place to live and finding a job fronts. I have a friend who is looking for a roommate, and I am going to look at a person's place tomorrow. I've got my resume together, and a couple of cover letters that can be easily adapted for the situation. I also have a list of 13 places to apply for, and I've already applied for two. It would be nice to know a) where I will be living, or b) where I will be working, to try to accommodate either one for the school year. I do have some time since school doesn't start until the 20th. But right now that doesn't feel like a lot of time.

I keep seeing things, or recognizing situations that would not occur in Russia. Today I smiled at a boy who was probably about 3 years old. He smiled back. That did not usually happen in Russia. Russian children look just as serious as their Russian parents. But, just like their parents, they become completely different creatures once you get to know them.

Tonight I am going to the Trail of Lights!!!

Austin, Texas

2008-12-17T05:43:00.000-08:00

I returned to Austin last Thursday after being in Moscow for 3 months. My internship experience was spectacular, and I am so glad I went.

I should have updated this blog more often, so as not to forget all of the fun things I got to do, and cool people I met, but hopefully I'll stay in touch with the new friends I made and go back over there again soon. Not in another 4 years. It should not take me four years to get to Russia again.

But now that I am back, it's back to reality. I'll be spending my time between my hometown and Austin over the next three weeks. I need to concentrate on my life here, mainly finding a job and a place to live in Austin before school starts. Oh, and figure out how many hours I have left until I can graduate, and signing up for classes. However, classes are secondary to the kind of job I find, unfortunately. If I can only find a full-time job, there is no way I am going to be able to keep up with coursework, full-time. I would have to go to school part-time. However, I know that the longer it takes me to graduate, the longer it will be before I can start my career. We'll have to see. It's just a difficult decision, though, because I have a lot of debt right now, and it's only going to get worse with about a year left of classes to take. I also am trying to figure out plans for next summer. I would like to do another language program. Either Russian or Serbian. I will apply for Serbian to study for the summer and year for FLAS, but it would be great if I somehow found funding to go back to Middlebury this summer. At the same time, I have this car payment to my parents hanging over my head, and I need to make good headway on that this semester, regardless of how many hours I end up taking.

I have no insight into anything right now. Just worry. And bills.

MOSCOW

2008-09-20T20:57:00.000-07:00

I'm going there. Transit time=18 hrs. 45 min's. Oh yeah. Time difference: 9 hrs. Sweet. I love everything about traveling, except the traveling part.

Spinning Madly Today

2008-09-18T10:18:00.001-07:00

The world does seem to be spinning for me today. I am leaving in about 48 hours for Russia. The last two days have been filled with almost virtual unproductivity and a bit of self doubt. It doesn't help me for my mom to say things like, you are the only one from Bandera to do anything like this. Blah Blah Blah. It doesn't make me feel better. It just makes me feel more out of my league.

But, I don't know. I woke up this morning realizing the mounting things that I had left to do, and something in me kicked into high gear. I made a list. That's the first step towards real progress. I filled out some paperwork that I am going to go fax right now. And I tried to apply for some study abroad fellowships for a cool class that I heard about being offered next semester. However, unfortunately when I tried to apply for them I found that the university needs me to apply for re-admission to the LBJ School since I didn't enroll my internship for class credit. So that's aggravating. And the fellowship app. is due October 1st. I don't know how I am going to fix this problem in two days or less, but hopefully I will hear from my grad coordinator soon considering this was the first I had heard of my problem. I am glad I found out now, and not when I was trying to register for classes. Grr. I even talked to the financial aid office last week and no one said anything about this to me. The paperwork would have been so much easier to complete while I was in Austin last week.

But, oh well. Can't change it. Just need to keep focused and work through it. So now I am headed to the pharmacy to pick up some prescriptions for three months, going to see if I can find a few small Texan souvenirs to take with me in case I meet nice people along the way, I need to return a blouse I bought from Banana Republic b/c I already had basically an identical one in my closet, I may try to buy a bathrobe, though that may be too bulky for the limited space left in my bag, and then I'll come home and make banana nut bread for my family, back-up my computer with my new nifty external hard drive, and hopefully finish packing my suitcases tonight!

I'm also wearing my "ACL Dress" that I bought with Miss Fashionista "beens" I thought I was going to go to ACL Fest for the first time this year. But, I'm not. And the dress wasn't going to be worn, so today seemed like as good a time as any. Hope you all are doing great! I'm going to miss you!

Leaving on Sunday

2008-09-17T06:47:00.000-07:00

I am going to Moscow this Sunday for an internship for the rest of the semester. I am very excited, but also very nervous. I have a ton of stuff left to do and pack before I go. I've mainly been putting my clothes into piles of take and leave, and digging around in boxes in my room for things like my nano i-pod (it's in a box somewhere from packing, and my other i-pod died, so now i need to find it), electrical outlet transformers, and other gadgets that need to be taken with me to Russia.

Last week I went and saw Madeleine Albright speak in Austin, then I stayed in that area until Monday. There is always so much to do in Austin, and there were a ton of people that I needed to say goodbye to. Wednesday after M. Albright, we played games. Thursday I would have gone dancing, but my other friends were free and decided to make a dinner party for me. The dinner party was fun, but I drank this Serbian brandy called rakija, and it was really strong...my head was hurting Friday morning. Friday evening I found myself playing more games, and Saturday was shopping and a movie, then a coffee shop, then a birthday bbq. So Saturday was probably my busiest day. Sunday morning J&J and I played my last game of Settlers of Catan for the next 3 months, and it was really close, but Jefe won. Then Jessi planned a going away lunch at my favorite restaurant, Korea House. So that was really nice, and convenient. Then I drove out to Georgetown to see my uncles who were there because of Ike. Only about 30% of customers in the Houston area have electricity today.

So, in a nutshell that was my 5 days in Austin. Very full, very fun. And surprisingly not too expensive. I need to get my stuff in order in the next few days so I can go to Russia and not leave my things all over my parents' house.

I really am getting nervous about this whole thing. I want to do a good job...these are the kinds of experiences that can really further your future, or put an end to it. One or the other.

How Hurricanes Get Named

2008-09-15T21:50:00.000-07:00

Here are a couple of links that explains why hurricanes are named, in case you were wondering. I was.

Waiting 3

2008-09-09T07:19:00.000-07:00

So, not much has changed. Last weekend I spent some quality time with my family. We went to the Botanical Gardens and the Witte Museum in SA. The Witte actually had a pretty neat exhibit on Leonardo da Vinci's inventions. They had a huge room full of hands-on demonsrations of his inventions. So that was really informative and interesting. I shouldn't have been surprised, but I had forgotten how many weapons and military techniques da Vinci had created.

This week is going by slowly. I am heading to Austin for a couple of days tomorrow. Former Secretary of State, Madeleine Albright will be speaking at the LBJ School and I will be attending that event. I also want to see some professors and friends that I didn't see the first time I was back in town. PB&J also said he wants to go sailing this weekend, so that'll be fun.

Yesterday, I went through my entire wardrobe to figure out what I should take to Russia, if in fact I do get to go. I think I have at least one more week of waiting for my visa. Waiting sucks.

Waiting 2

2008-09-04T06:44:00.000-07:00

I hate waiting. I hate waiting 5 minutes. Or 7 days. Or indefinitely. Especially if what you are waiting for something that may never happen.

A couple of days ago I had to go to my hometown for an interview relating to my internship for the fall. We met in the public library. The interview was not that interesting, but I did tell the man interviewing me the history of the library. Like how it is one of the oldest buildings in my hometown, how it was a jail and you can see the original rock in the main part of the library. This is the kind of useless, but interesting information I have swirling in my brain.

After the interview as I walked to the front of the library, I saw the most curly long-haired redhead I've ever seen in my life. As soon as I saw her, I yelled, "Linda!" And she turned to me, squealed, and ran straight to me. Linda and I went to high school together. We chatted for a while, catching up. She quit college for a while, dating some guy or another. Now she's back in school finishing up her degree in anthropology. I've never let myself get distracted like that. But I admire her for it. It was so good to see her.

After that I stopped by Super S to pick up a few things. I ran into my band director from high school, who also happens to be the dad of two of my former college roomies. So we had to catch up too. Then I saw the dad of one of my really good high school friends, Garrett. Then I went to the health clinic because I need a tetanus vaccine before I go to Russia, and I saw two girls I went to high school with drive by me. Mr. Fabian from church also drove by me, but I don't think he recognized me. It's so funny. I forgot what people do in small towns. When they drive by you, they actually turn and stare at you, to see if they know you. Some of them recognized me, and some didn't. It's been so long since I've been home for any length of time.

I'll probably do some packing today, and some shopping. Maybe some reading. And waiting.

Waiting

2008-09-03T09:24:00.000-07:00

I'm waiting on my visa, but good news keeps coming my way making the waiting a little more bearable. I found out today my official section assignment, which makes me feel that I am one step closer to leaving for Moscow.

I'm an impatient individual, sometimes. I think it's simply hard b/c the waiting gives me too much time to think. And so I'm trying to fill up my time with reading, researching events and people relating to my internship, packing for the internship, catching up with friends and family, and finding fun things to do here in Texas that are not too costly...my bank account cannot handle costly at the moment.

But waiting still leaves me too much time to think. And thinking for me seems to revolve around the people I met and the events that took place this summer. I made so many mistakes. It's weird how one of the happiest summers of my life was also so full of mistakes and regrets. I wish I could stop thinking. It would make my life a lot easier. Hopefully Moscow will be able to stop the thoughts.

Mosquito Bite Memories

2008-09-01T12:59:00.001-07:00

Yesterday I went to a Round Rock Express Baseball game with Miss Fashionista and her trivia night buddies. While we were sitting there, I started to get these weird bites on my legs, and I was instantly reminded of my summer in Vermont, where the mosquitos were small reminders of the joys of living in a place where it rains 75% of the time, but also does not remain 100 degrees outside by the time 8 pm rolls around.

I'm back in Austin, visiting friends and old haunts. Right now I'm sitting on the couch trying to recover from my lunch at Hula Hut. My stomach says, "I hate you! Why did you eat all of those chips and hula salsa, the enitre tubular chicken taco, lake austin dessert nachos, AND a lake austin lemonade?" And honestly, I don't know. I was hungry when I got there. But I definitely didn't need those dessert nachos Lady Shakespeare ordered, or that entire tubular taco. Ugh. So delicious.

I need to recover quickly though. I am supposed to be playing rockband right now. Between swing dancing, daily lunches, coffee house dates, blues dancing, swimming at deep eddy's pool, and playing games at the J&J's, this vacation in Austin has been pretty damn busy, and tiring.

I will be heading home tomorrow, and catching up with family. I'm still waiting for my visa, so please don't ask when I'm leaving...b/c I don't know...

11 Weeks

2008-08-25T06:47:00.000-07:00

11 weeks was a long time. I wasn't expecting to feel homesick at all. And now that I'm actually here, I'm already ready to get moving again. That is, after I finish doing laundry, packing, shopping, visiting friends and family, and everything else I need to do before I leave for Russia for another 10 weeks. I'm so excited, but I'm also getting more and more nervous.

So Boston and Toronto were neat. In Toronto we met up with Miss Kanadka and got a personal tour of the city. It was about lunch time, so our first stop was a Chinese restaurant in Chinatown. Then right across the street with the Art Gallery of Ontario. The building was designed by Frank Gehry, so that was incredible to see. Unfortunately the gallery was closed for renovations. Note to self: don't go see museums in August. After that one, two others in Boston, and a section of the Boston Museum of Fine Arts were also closed for renovations. So that was a bit disappointing, but it just means I'll have to make it back to Toronto and Boston some day!

Our day in Toronto was pretty fun and relaxing. We basically walked around, and saw the major sights, went by Toronto University, and went up on the CN Tower. The CN Tower is apparently the tallest free-standing tower in the world. It's funny, because there is a similar tower like that in San Antonio that I've never gone up on. I've lived in the San Antonio area all my life, and only went to Toronto for a day, but I've been to the CN Tower! Up there was an incredible view of the city and Lake Ontario. You could see far across Lake Ontario, but not to the other side. The city of Toronto is huge too. I didn't know it was such a sprawled out city. My mom, the Kanadka, and I went up, but my sister didn't want to because it was so high. The only part that was scary was the elevator ride with the glass floor. That was scary, and she wouldn't have liked it. But I think she would have liked the view.

That evening the Kanadka and I went out for dinner, and we did a little shopping too while my mom and sister apparently got a little tipsy back at the hotel. Did I mention it was legal for my 20 year old sister to drink and gamble in Canada? Maybe some things are better left unsaid ;)

I bought a winter hat from the Canadian company, Roots. And we got to talk for the last time...for a long time. It was our third good bye: first at Middlebury, then in Burlington, and lastly in Toronto. It's so funny when you find someone else that is so similar to you. I'm going to miss her. She was the best neighbor I've ever had!

The next day we drove to Boston. Which was a long drive made even longer by erroneous short cuts courtesy of my GPS Device. Note to self: never listen to a machine over yourself and a map. We ended up on some back country road driving through national forests, and not able to find the interstate for about 3 hours. But anyways, we finally made it to Boston, and got to our hotel. We spent the next few days exploring Boston, which was just not enough time. But it was fun beginning to learn a city, and showing my mom and sister how to read a metro map. My mother was absolutely hilarious. Toronto and Boston were really the first major cities she's ever been in, and while I knew she lacked street smarts, I was not prepared for just how much that could affect someone in a city. She talked to everybody! Strangers, workers, people on the metro, and yes, the homeless. And everybody looked at her like she was crazy, except for maybe the homeless person who followed us for four blocks after she talked to him, b/c HE was crazy!

So, I guess this means my mom never learned that you aren't supposed to talk to strangers. But, in my opinion, what it really boils down to is a cultural difference. Mom doesn't see a problem with talking to strangers because that's not considered a problem where she comes from. It was something that I knew, and yet had never really thought about until after she randomly started talking to a man on the metro. When she talked to him, he didn't respond. She took his silence as rudeness, and he couldn't understand why she was talking to him. Boy, would my mom have a problem if she ever travelled to Russia.

So, what we saw in Boston: lots of churches, the South something church, North Church, Trinity Church and Park Street Church, the Old South Building, Fanueil and Quincy Market, Boston Museum of Fine Arts, the Sackler Building in Harvard Yard, the Boston Aquarium while mom and ash saw an imax show (b/c i don't like those shows). We shopped in the Prudential Center and I bought some sweaters and a cute green coat. We ate our last dinner at Joe Tecce's in the little italy area of town in North End. It was a lot in just a few days. But we still didn't see it all. It would have been nice if we had had an extra day to drive down to Cape Cod, and I also really wanted to see the Institute for Contemporary Art, as well as the Fogg Museum-one of the museums closed for renovation. And the Boston MFA had entire sections of their museum closed b/c they were putting up new exhibitions. That was probably the most disappointing part of the trip for me. But we still got to see and do a lot. Whenever I get our pictures uploaded, I'll put a few up on here. Anyways, I need to go feed the goats and start my day.

Toronto and Boston

2008-08-21T16:51:00.000-07:00

Yay for cool places!!! I'm having like a cool places overload about now. It's been simply amazing. I am so so so lucky to be able to share all of this with my mom and sister. Right now we are in Boston, and if I were not so tired, I would write a more substantial update. But right now, I need to eat and sleep, and be ready for tomorrow! And then the next day is home sweet home! I simply cannot wait!! I miss Texas oh so much!

btw, not everything is bigger in texas. the mosquitos are definitely bigger in vermont. the waterfalls...in niagara city. and the seagulls are definitely bigger in boston!

Niagara Falls!

2008-08-18T08:35:00.001-07:00

We made it here...but we have a flat tire on our rental car, so we are having to deal with that right now.

Here is a clip from CNN featuring my favorite American political scientist on Russia, Michael McFaul.

arrival

2008-08-16T20:47:00.000-07:00

mom and ash arrived here safe and sound, from their first plane ride ever! my mother is a haggling queen. I called and made reservations for a rental car and was quoted a price of $605 for the week. My mother called another place and got a cheaper deal, and then called that company back to cancel and they offered her a low price of $350 walk-out. Then, when we went to pick up the car, our car was under repair so they gave us an SUV! So yeah, my mom rocks.

Anyways, we spent the day in burlington, ate dinner on the water, and are headed to niagara falls tomorrow, and possibly Toronto. Wouldn't it be funny if I had a third reunion with the Kanadka already!? I'm going to e-mail her and see what she's up to...

Also, I've seriously started trying to catch up on current events, and the Georgia-Russian conflict is incredibly complicated. Here are some of the articles I've been reading. If you've read any good analyses on the topic, by all means, send them my way. I'd love to read them.

I'm going to refrain from giving my personal opinion on these topics on my blog. But, I'm always happy to talk offline about them, if you'd like to. But please do send more articles my way, if you find something of interest.

Article from CFR

There are a lot of good articles from global security.

New York Post article.

Article on Ukrainian missile defense in response to the Russian-Georgian conflict from BBC

A Reunion

2008-08-16T07:20:00.001-07:00

Right now, I'm just waiting for my mom and sister to get to Burlington, watching Mr. Gates on C-Span talk about the Russian-Georgian conflict.

Last night after I settled in at my hotel, I received a message from a friend of mine (The Kanadka) from Russkaya Shkola. Her and her family were also staying in Burlington for the night, and so we decided to get together at her hotel and watch the Olympics one more time together. And speak Russian together too.

The Kanadka and I have had a great summer together as neighbors. We were ridiculously similar. The way we thought, how we reacted to situations, and even how we dressed. On more than one occasion, we came out of our rooms in the morning dressed very similarly forcing one of us to return to our room and change. Just yesterday morning we both popped out of our rooms at the same time to talk to one another. Which is kinda weird, I know. I don't know how to explain it really, but she and I really bonded and I hope our friendship will continue on in the future. Actually, I don't hope; I know it will. She's been a great friend to me this summer. And I will never forget her kindness.

After we said our goodbyes (opyat-again), I would have given anything to just sit and think on the way home. Unfortunately, my cab driver was not interested in silence. He was interested in talking, and driving on dirt roads, and when he found out that I was from Texas, he launched into me on how Bush was the worst president we've ever had. Part of me wanted to laugh, but part of me was scared to death-he was really flaky. But I made it home safe and sound. And I'm ready for the next reunion with the Kanadka in Toronto (for a wedding! ;) ), Texas, Russia, or maybe even Russkaya Shkola :)

Middlebury Middlebury

2008-08-15T12:24:00.001-07:00

It's so pretty here today. The sun is partially obscured by the clouds, and it's a bit chilly. But pretty.

Last night I watched the sunset by a pasture with holsteins as I read a book (in English!), and then I made some guacamole, and hung out with friends. It was really nice. We just sat and talked. One of my friends here, L, is a lot more talkative than I had originally thought. this is because she said she "can't speak in Russian." Which is just funny, b/c I thought I had an idea of who she was for an entire summer, and it turns out, she's a lot more spunky in English! This summer I realized just how much a language and fluency in a language determines how you interact with others. There was a bit of a feeling of being reborn again when we were speaking in English. At least for me.

And, it was so nice to have intellectual conversations again...kind of difficult to do if you can't speak svobodno (freely) in a language.

I can't get over the fact that 9 weeks has gone by so quickly. Though at times it felt like it was never going to end. Now that only I and another person are left in my corridor (and it's getting ready to just be her), it's hard to believe everything I've done this summer. I spoke Russian for an entire summer, I think a good portion of the time intelligibly, and I'd say for about 75% or more of the time too. I'm so proud of myself for everything I've accomplished thus far in the past three years. My Russian skills have improved immensely, yet I want to improve even more, and will hopefully have a chance to do so this fall. I'm hopefully headed to Moscow (as long as I get my visa) in what could possibly be an exciting time to be working on US-RU relations. I'm more than half way through and have about a year left to complete my dual-degree program, when I return in January. And I'd like to continue studying Serbian when I go back to Texas. Though I need to decide what will be the main topic of my thesis fairly soon as well.

For a lot of the people that I met this summer, my life is pretty normal, even typical. And at times, I am able to convince myself that it is a normal life. But the truth is, the majority of people I know and the majority of the members in my family have no idea what it is that I am doing or why I want to study Russian, public policy, and urban development.

However, I don't think this makes me at all different from the people of the places that I'm from. When I'm placed in settings like this one at Middlebury, I feel strongly connected to my roots and the people that shaped my life growing up. In fact, I feel closer to them, than I do to the majority of people I met here. Even when I know I won't ever be happy living in some small Texas town, and that that way of life will never suit my needs, I always have the same perspective and maintain the same outlook.

I'm well on my way to being the first woman in my family to hold a masters degree (2 actually) (and I should also note that my mother was the first woman in her family to earn a bachelors), to have traveled outside of the country (b/c mexico doesn't count), and to have lived in a place outside of the Great State of Texas. The deal is that (delo v tom, shto-Russian syntax is creeping into my English all over the place!), maybe that's part of my purpose, and my own personal goals should be to connect people and ideas from a variety of places and a variety of backgrounds, to destroy stereotypes, and break glass ceilings.

These next few months are going to be interesting for me. It's time to put all of this hardwork to use, in a real job, in a real world context, and for a real and meaningful purpose. The pressure is on, and I am ready for the challenge.

Last Day in Middlebury

2008-08-14T17:14:00.000-07:00

I leave tomorrow for Burlington, and my mom and sister fly in on Saturday. I can't wait to see them! It's their first time on a plane...so I'm a little bit nervous for them, the logistics really. But planes are safer than vehicles. It's going to be a pretty exciting trip for us, and I hope relaxing after this crazy busy summer I've had at Russkaya Shkola.

But today was nice. The language pledge officially ended at lunch time, and it was so strange to converse in English with people I had never ever talked to before in English. I met my teacher's daughter, a 6 year old little diva. I've seen her everyday all summer long, and she was just as excited as the students were to speak in English with us, though, a bit shy at first. But when she got going, she didn't want to stop talking about her doll and school and such.

I already know that I'm going to miss this atmosphere, and these people so much. It's such a unique environment. I wouldn't mind returning next summer, if I can somehow manage it. But, I really want to graduate next year too, so we'll have to see.

Today was pretty relaxing in general. It was a bit symmetrical with how my very first day at Middlebury went. The weather was good(for once...or twice), more people were starting to leave-like they were starting to arrive on the first day, and I pretty much talked to the same people I that I talked with when I first arrived here. I read some, thought twice about seriously packing (blah, I hate packing), and went to the store with some friends and bought avocados to make guacamole, and soon I think I'm gonna go make that and hang out with them. Have a good night.

Pochti! Almost!

2008-08-12T17:12:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow is my final, and I should find out how my oral exam went as well. We also have a banquet in the evening. I've studied for about 6 hours today for the final...which feels like not a lot right now considering the work load we've been under all summer long. Studying for a test without having any homework feels like a breeze.

Today was pretty in Middlebury. Sometimes rainy, sometimes sunny. Which made the clouds interesting to watch. I went running at the track with miss kanadskaya. Though, I only ran a half-mile. My foot has been hurting off and on. I should be wearing the air cast more than I do, but I really hate the damn thing.

I need to figure out a few things still: like how I'm getting to Burlington on Friday, and where I'm going to stay in Burlington, and how am I going to pack all of this stuff considering I now have a lot more than what I came with.

But right now, I think I'm gonna go to the Grille and play some poker with members from my class. I'm terrible at poker. And pretty much anything that has to do with hiding your feelings. My mom always says you can read everything I'm thinking on my face. And I especially realized that this summer here. My favorite professor here is OA, and OA always, vsegda!, calls on me in class, because she thinks I have something to say. But really, I'm just fascinated by what she is saying...

Sometimes I wish I could hide how I feel or what I think. I think it's something I'm definitely going to need to work on when I finally get a "pravilnuju rabotu...nastoyashuju...haha"-when I get a real job. But sometimes I don't think it's such a terrible thing that people know what I'm thinking. However, I could be wrong about this.

Paperwork Processed!

2008-08-11T17:12:00.000-07:00

I am pretty sure I called/texted every single person who probably reads this blog already to let you know, but just in case I missed ya, I officially have a reason to be in Moscow in the fall! Now if I can just get a visa, everything will be great! However, given the situation in Georgia right now, and how that might affect US-RU relations, this might be a bit of a challenge. We'll just have to wait and see. But I am so glad that this hurdle in the process has been cleared!

I'll still be home for a few weeks, I think, as far as I know. I am so excited!!! Hopefully I'll have a real job before I'm 30 at this rate! :)

Good Morning!

2008-08-11T03:44:00.000-07:00

I love how much excitement can be infused into a single punctuation mark! And you don't even have to mean it...

Yesterday was busy here in Vermont. We lost the volleyball game, but we played so well! I don't like Arabskaya Shkola. They complained about every call, and they didn't have a proper score card, so no one knew what the score was until the end, which is just sketch. It was the first match all summer that we lost. boooooo.

After the volleyball match, we headed to lunch, and I made a little friend from Ispanskaya Shkola. She was about 2-3 years old, and absolutely adorable, with ketchup all over her face. She was fascinated by my watch and water bottle. Her brother, who was about 4-5, was also precious. I basically played with them for most of lunch. I can't wait to get back to Texas and play with my little cousins! Baby Jack is going to turn 4 in October, and as ya'll know Baby Joseph just turned 1. They are my second cousins, but I'm more like an aunt to them.

After lunch, I just studied, though not very diligently. Some people went to a lake and waterfalls, and I was really jealous. I hope I get to go this week!

And then, yesterday evening was Smely Xor! haha. Or our Brave Choir event: A Russian Wedding! It was so happy! I thoroughly enjoyed it. Again, I'm amazed by the wonderful, talented people we have here at Russkaya Shkola. Smely Xor sounded spectacular, and the show was so full of different acts.

After the spektakl, instead of doing my homework of course, I watched the olympics. Women's gymnastics, synchronized diving, and men and women's swimming.

All in all, a busy day at Russkaya Shkola, kak vsegda.

Sunday

2008-08-10T06:44:00.000-07:00

I was going to call my mama right now, but then I realized that the fam is in church. So I'll have to call later...

This is my last week at Russkaya Shkola, and the ending is seriously bittersweet. Part of me is miserable here, but part of me knows I'll miss this place and these people so much. It's also my last day of homework, too, I hope. Our teacher said if everyone did the homework, then we wouldn't have any the last 3 days of school. So I hope to God nobody slacks off this time. It's okay to be a slacker, but not when it affects someone besides yourself.

This weekend went by unexpectedly quickly. I haven't been sleeping well, and so yesterday I basically slept the entire day. Of course, I was out pretty late Friday night, which probably helped me sleep on Saturday. My foot was hurting pretty much all day yesterday though, so it was also good that I wasn't walking on it all day long. On Friday night and Saturday night, they had Russian movies playing. The one I watched on Friday was pretty horrible, but last night's was pretty good. It's called "Italianiez," or "The Italian." It was pretty propagandistic at times, demonizing foreigners who adopt Russian children, and criticizing those who make a buck from selling Russian children. Also, the idea that your real parents by birth are the best people to raise you was paradoxically presented in the film. I think the director did a great job of portraying this idea in varying ways throughout the film...until the ending. Which I didn't really care for. The film basically confronted a real and growing problem in Russia today: orphans, adoption, and the childcare system in Russia. The main character was a 6-year old boy and he was spectacular. I'm glad I watched it, and would like to watch it again.

But anyways, after the film I watched some of the Olympic games with friends here. I watched Kerry Walsh and Misty May beat the Japanese team handily. I love watching those two play. They are absolutely amazing. We also saw Michael Phelps, who is also an amazing athlete. And that was about all I cared to watch. So I returned to my room, and was soon talked into going to another diskoteka at a nearby dorm. I went, and it was fun. There were a lot of people streaming in and out constantly, which made people-watching interesting. I left a bit early with some people to go get some food, because I was starving. I'm really tired of the cafeteria here, and it's not healthy to only eat dessert every day.

Now, it's volleyball time. It's our last game, and I think I'm going to play. I'm really excited! And I hope we beat Arabskaya Shkola!

Second to Last Friday at Russkaya Shkola!

2008-08-08T14:18:00.000-07:00

School officially ends next Thursday. And i have a ton to do between now and then, like find a rental car, make reservations, research what my mom, sister, and i will be doing when they arrive next saturday, pack, and oh yeah, study for a final.

But today, I'm not going to think about all of that. We took our last test this Friday, and I think it wasn't bad. I should have studied more for it, but went to a lecture on the Russian presidential election...but it was really more about the Russian state of mind. I'm glad I went. It was informative and interesting, and the speaker spoke in a way that was clear for me...which means he spoke slowly...

I also lost my key to my room last night, and spent about an hour after the talk looking for it. Turns out I left it in the library in the second place that I was sitting in. So when I finally got into my room, I simply crawled into bed without studying more until about 5 am.

After classes, I went running. Which may not have been the smartest thing for my hurt ankle, but was good for my heart and soul. I needed to run and clear my head from the incessant thoughts that won't seem to go away. For example, why..., what will happen if I don't go to Russia, how long is it really going to take me to graduate, will I have a real job before I turn 30...etc.

So running was helpful, but obviously, those questions are still omnipresent. Especially the first. When I wake up. When I go to sleep. When I eat. But anyways, people are knocking on my door letting me know it's time for dinner...miss you all! And see you soon!

Я выиграла!

2008-08-07T07:02:00.000-07:00

I won! Apparently my teacher gave me enough answers and I won one of the trivia questions last night. Teehee. I now am the proud owner of a wooden Russian pen.

I love games so much. I can't wait to play Scrabble, Settlers, Wii, Portuguese and others when I return!

Вот Это Да

2008-08-06T19:08:00.000-07:00

In case you were wondering, the phrase "he's not the sharpest crayon in the box" can be literally translated into Russian and makes sense.

I had a pretty busy day. I've been able to stay focused enough to get the majority of my homework completed before dinner, and then have the evenings to actually participate in extra-curricular activities, or rest. I'm not exactly sure if this is because I have found some kind of inner motivation, or they are simply giving us less work. I'm going with the latter, but this is definitely a major change from the last 3-4 weeks or so. I think I've come to terms a bit with my slacktastic performance this summer...slacktastic meaning I'll probably receive an A- or B+ for my work here. I definitely didn't push myself to memorize the more specific terminology that I wanted to this summer. But I also think, there was just so much I could do. It had been so long since I had taken a class purely dedicated to the Russian language-not literature, not history, just Russian language. Also, my Serbian skills fogged up my Russian knowledge pretty badly too. And there was some work that I needed to re-do in order to build up my skills again. There were other distractions that I can think of this summer. But enough of this. You don't want to read about this...

You want to read about the spectacularly awesomely bad 70's russian film I watched this evening called "Pirates." It was awesome. So so so so terribly bad, it was awesome. It was complete with English dubbing, bad acting, terribly awkward dramatic pauses and scene shots just for effect, fainting women, men in shorty short shorts, exotic islands complete with exotic women, karate moves and board smashing for the fun of it, ships aflame, and of course-pirates! So cool. The movie ended with one Russian alpha male taking out an entire crew of pirates and saving the day. 1 Myshcina! Tolko odin! Against 20 some-odd pirates. Yep, it could happen...

After the movie, I went to the last chaipitie komnaty-or "tea room" (tea time), of the summer. Basically, it's a time where we can get together, drink tea and eat snacks, and play games. They had this cool trivia game that we all participated in. My teacher, Olga Anatolevna, was on my team, which was cool. I think we'll find out the results later, or maybe now. I don't know. I was tired of talking and socializing, so now I'm in my room getting ready to go to sleep, and contemplating what all I need to do in order to prepare for life after Russkaya Shkola.

It occurred to me some time last week, that if I do not get my paperwork processed in time to go to Russia this fall, it will be too late to enroll in the fall semester at school. And also, I have a fellowship to go to Russia but no fellowship or job lined up for the fall if I happen to be in Texas. I need to start thinking of a back-up plan for the worst-case scenario. I owe my parents quite a bit of money for my car that we bought for me last year, so it wouldn't be a bad idea to work for a few months before returning to school in the fall. But I would feel so bad to lose an entire semester because of a paperwork issue.

Random Russian Proverb of the Day: Тише едешь, дальше будешь! Slow and steady wins the race! (think tortoise and the hare...yep. I've learned a lot here.)

I Can See The Light

2008-08-04T19:39:00.000-07:00

The program is rapidly coming to an end, and I can honestly say it's a bittersweet ending. I know my Russian speaking skills have improved exponentially this summer, and I am proud of myself for that. However, I know I have so much more to do and learn to be at the level I would like to be at by the time I graduate in hopefully about a year. I'll also miss the great warm, caring, and diverse group of people I've met here. But I think we all feel it's time to go home.

We had a crazy weekend. I think I took about 5 hours worth of tests on Saturday and Sunday, and then I had my dreaded oral exam this afternoon. The oral was okay. I froze in the middle, which was not okay. I literally sat there staring at Boris Borisovich's red beard for about 45 seconds trying to piece together a single thought that could get me out of the Russian word hole I dug for myself. But he was very kind. And I think I recovered my composure and was able to not sound like a complete fool for the rest of the interview. Mr. BB was very kind, and helped me get through the rest with only a few more mistakes here and there...

This evening the culinary club made pelmeni, and I participated in making in eating those delicious Russian dumplings. Though, I'm a bit full now, still, even though it's 11, and I need to get to sleep soon.

I guess I just want to write down a few thoughts I have from this experience. Or these experiences. I knew this school was going to be different from anything I had ever experienced. It was an opportunity that I thoroughly am grateful for, and will help me pursue more of my career goals later on. I'm always happy to learn a little bit more, not only about Russian and the Russian culture, but about people, and different ways of living and thinking. Which brings me to the second, more personal experience. I didn't really think being away from home was going to bother me as much as it did. I think this has a lot to do with what was going on in my life here, and how I didn't handle it very well. Between school, socializing with znakomy, and simply trying to keep myself sane, I feel like I didn't always succeed in being the person I want to be: just a carefree-though not careless, optimistic, spontaneous, fun-but studious person. I'm annoyed at myself for letting people and school and work get in the way of me being me. But, I am probably being a little harsh on myself. It's just something I need to work on in the future.

Random Thought of the Day: Gigantic Red Balloons Make Me Ridiculously Happy!

OPI Test bez desyati tretevo

2008-08-04T07:37:00.000-07:00

We have our oral proficiency interviews today. This is what it's all about.

At 2:50 pm, send your happy thoughts my way, please.

3 Days of Exit Exams Makes for a Terrible Weekend

2008-08-02T04:06:00.000-07:00

I'm awake at 7am on a Saturday because we have exit exams today, tomorrow, and Monday.

However, I was awake at 2am as well, and 6am. Part of me is wanting this to all be a bad dream...

my foot is feeling much better. im supposed to go back to the doctor on monday for a second round of x-rays to make sure it's healing properly, and if i need to be doing something else. but it looks and feels a lot better.

that's about all.

What I Would Like to Talk About if I had the Time

2008-07-31T10:07:00.000-07:00

1. Movies: Chistoe Nebo, Kovchyog...and how I loved both.

2. How I feel about life in general. My foot- or as my teacher refers to it, Brilliantaya Noga...reference to a russian film entitled Brilliantaya Ruka.

3. How I finished my homework before 7 pm yesterday ! And what I did with my spare time.

4. How my doklad was. xorosho. no ne ochen xorosho. but i know im my toughest critic...

5. our class report on the SOH which was presented to some pretty interesting folk in DC last week for my policy research project...and how im so glad it's over. finally.

6. why i am wearing my brightest yellowest blouse for the first time this summer.

7. how i wish i could be in Austin celebrating a wedding with some ukrainian friends on saturday instead of taking exit exams...

8. my disagreement with pushkin over unrequited love...unrequited love is not love at all. even if you die for it.

Doklad

2008-07-30T02:49:00.000-07:00

I have a short presentation today. A bit nervous, but not too much. I'm going to talk about some interesting parallels in the novel Master and Margarita by Mikhail Bulgakov. Which, if you haven't read, please please please read at some point in your life. If you love fantasy, politics, religious mythology, or simply talking felines, you'll love this book.

My foot is hurting off and on, as is to be expected. Nothing new to report there.

Only a couple weeks left here and I think, despite my whining that I'm ready to go home, that I will miss Ruskaya Shkola a great deal. I felt like I plateaued some in the middle of the summer. I wasn't seeing any improvement, and I actually felt like I was speaking worse. Now, I feel better, and wish I could do this program again (free of charge, of course-it's a bit expensive for me to afford to do this program on my own). If I had to do this summer over again, I would change a few things: I would try to be more involved. I should have joined the choir, internet club, and perhaps another club. I should have exercised more consistently too, because I always feel better, and less stressed when I exercise. I would stick to the pledge more. In the beginning, especially, I felt every time I spoke in English my Russian skills were really affected. What else? I dunno. Maybe tried to just be me, instead of worrying why me isn't good enough sometimes...but that's pretty general and works for life outside of Ruskaya Shkola.

Yep, I'll miss Russkaya Shkola: it's green beautiful campus, incredible family environment, okay stolovaya, as well as the people I've met here.

Lastly, today is my cousin Russell's birthday. He's 17. Which is ridiculous to me. He's the first kid I can actually remember holding in my arms as a baby when I was a small child, which makes me feel so old! We were pretty mean to him growing up. Making him play dress-up and teasing him because of how much he loved the fisher price kitchen...but despite his mean cousins, I think he turned out alright.

Happy Wednesday!

Талантов Вечер

2008-07-28T07:49:00.000-07:00

Мне очень понравился талантов вечер! У нас есть многие студенты с многими талантами. Может быть, мое самое любимое событие в русской школе! Хотя, мне очень пронравился карайоке тоже...(несмотря на то, что нога болела и я потеряла некоторые вещей на карайоке вечер.)

Я не знаю почему, но я хочу писать только по русски сейчас, ни как обычно. Только сейчас, я закончилась переписать мое сочинение, и я думаю что может быть это мое самое лучше сочинение до сих пор. По крайней мере, Я надеюсь...

Last night we had a talent show, and I absolutely loved it. We have some very talented students at russki school. I was very impressed. I think that it might have been my favorite event, here but then I have to think about how much fun karaoke was too. Despite the fact that I hurt my leg and lost some things.

I don't know why, but I want to write only in Russian right now, not like usually. I just now finished re-writing my essay for the week, and I think that it might be my best essay yet. At least, I hope so...

I didn't re-read what I wrote in Russian, so sorry if there are a lot of mistakes. Blah.

In other news, my foot is feeling a little better, though it was hurting a great deal last night. I forgot that I needed to print something at the library, so at about 11 something, I went there, and I think I over-did- it. Too much walking is not good for a hurt foot. But it felt better this morning. The red swelling has turned into purple bruises. But the bump is still there. I am supposed to return to the doctor today, but I don't know if I have time. Right now, my presentation on Wednesday is my top priority, and if I cannot start memorizing it this afternoon, I'm going to be freaking out tomorrow. So, maybe I'll go tomorrow, or Wednesday would be better. We'll see.

Lastly, my school back in Tejas wants to put me on their website as a feature for what I did this summer and what I'm going to do in the fall. I'm very flattered, but really nervous too!

fish pedicure?

2008-07-28T06:44:00.000-07:00

umm, no thanks. im pretty dang jumpy, and i can't imagine sitting still while little fishies nip at me. my friend, cindy sent me an article about this...and i just found a picture of it on pravda.ru....if you're interested...

Also...my friend had my sunglasses! Ura! Ja tak rada!

Volleyball

2008-07-27T05:44:00.000-07:00

...my family would like to know if I was drunk when I hurt my foot. I will not confirm nor deny the level of my intoxication... ;) But really, alcohol wasn't the main factor. I simply tripped like I always do on this foot. I've had lots of sprains on this ankle before because I broke my leg playing soccer several years ago. So it didn't surprise me that it was hurting. I mean, I kept dancing after I hurt my foot. It was only when I couldn't sleep, that I realized I should probably go to the doctor. The foot thingy they gave me is pretty awesome. Even though it hurts to put weight on my foot, this thing keeps my foot really flat and straight. I feel like I'm gliding with it on. However, I also feel ridiculous with it on.

I can't play volleyball today. :( The one club I was actually actively participating in, and I physically cannot play. Sahar from the 2nd level class said I could be their "angel" and watch the game. Which was sweet. But I'd rather be playing!

Diskoteka was a bit lame last night. Not a lot of people were there, which surprised me because I believe that was our last scheduled diskoteka. I think Russkaya Shkola is exhausted. And this weekend is jam-packed with things. Friday was karaoke. We have a book sale going on. There was a movie last night and diskoteka. They practiced soccer and volleyball yesterday. And today there is a volleyball match and talent show in the evening. So I really need to get all of my homework done asap so I can enjoy the talent show and watch the volleyball game free of worries.

I had planned to walk to the city today, and eat lunch there. don't think I'll be doing that now. blah.

But it sounds like Joseph's birthday party was great. His mom wanted a Mickey Mouse themed event. So my mom found a second-hand popper toy with mickey mouse on it. You know, that thing that you roll on the ground and things pop inside of it. Well, his dad Big Jack was not happy that that was J's favorite toy. He didn't want to play with all of the expensive things they bought him. Just the second hand popper. Now isn't that funny.

Колумбия пикчерс не представляет

2008-07-26T15:40:00.000-07:00

The music video for the song our class did for karaoke.

I feel lucky today...

2008-07-26T07:59:00.000-07:00

Last night, was karaoke night. And it was spectacular. I mean, spectacularly awesome and fun. I think they recorded it, and I really want to watch it again, because it was so funny. Our song was great, and I think every class did a great job.

However, I lost a contact, an earring, possibly my sunglasses...my Canadian neighbor accidentally spilled red wine on my favorite blouse and it's now ruined, and just to put the icing on the cake, I sprained my ankle...the same leg I broke several years ago. There's a huge knot on it, and I'm debating whether I should go to the doctor. I know he'll just say put some ice on it, and take some tylenol, which I'm already doing. But despite h

ow utterly exhausted I was last night, I couldn't sleep because it was throbbing. So maybe he can give me some pain meds.

No Professor Doom gonna stand in my way. Mmm. I feel lucky today.

Like Mary Chapin Carpenter, I don't care if "the stars are stacked against me," I'm not getting back in bed. :-)

Update: 3:25 pm. I went to the nurse for some medicine and an ace bandage, and she promptly sent me to the hospital. That knot below my ankle is apparently swelling from a hairline fracture on my foot. I also have bone spurs. So now I'm wearing a funny u-shaped padded thingy, an ace bandage, and a funny shoe. I should probably also use crutches, but I don't wanna. Blah.

oh oh oh...lucky, yeah.

lastly, Happy Happy Birthday to my second cousin Baby Joseph! He is one years old today! This is a picture of me holding him the day after he was born. I can't imagine how big he's going to be when I return!

TGIF

2008-07-25T08:26:00.001-07:00

It's been a rough week, but it's Friday. And I'm ready for an overdue midday nap after class, or dinner. Woot. Exciting, I know.

I'm receiving e-mails from my department's list serve. First-year students are doing Camp and social activities, and getting to know one another. I'm starting to think of the repercussions of my decision to graduate at least one semester later. When I come back in January, my class will be preparing to graduate, and I won't know any of the first-years. But I'm sure I'll be fine. Hopefully Miss Fashionista can find a way to stay in Austin a little longer when I come back. :) Which reminds me of sitting on Landlord Bob's porch and eating T's tacos right now. mmmm I want a Democrat about now. With lots of lime.

Tonight we have karaoke night. It's going to be interesting. The fourth level class picked out a rap/R&B piece, which is ochen bystro (really fast), but we've choreographed pretty much everything, so it should be funny even if we can't keep up. I thinks it's going to be fun. We are supposed to wear "bling." I'm not really a "blinging" kinda girl. So, I need to think about what I'm gonna wear...I'll keep you informed of what I decide...because I know you care, oh so much.

There's a few more things I thought of that I want out of life: a house with a wrap-around porch. a cute adorable puppy. designer shoes.

But I could live without the designer shoes, if need be.

Боже Мой!

2008-07-24T15:55:00.000-07:00

I know how to say perfective and imperfective aspects. But I didn't realize that perfective was the root for the word "perfect." Ack. Okay. So now I know. Wow. Sometimes I'm a bit slow I guess.

Clarity

2008-07-24T11:23:00.000-07:00

Today is an especially humid day in Vermont. My hair doesn't know what to do with itself. If it were shorter right now, it'd be curling up. But I've let it grow out some and so just the ends seem to be curling, and so it looks funny.

I'm supposed to be in class right now, but I had to skip class today. I had a lot of paperwork to fill out for my internship, and really no time to do anything but homework and paperwork. I feel really guilty about this, especially because I am attending this school on another person's dime. But the internship is on someone else's dime too. I need to put my best foot forward on both of these fronts. But today, I could only walk unidirectionally, and not multi-directionally. haha. If you study Russian, what I just said is really funny. Unidirectionally versus Multidirectionally walking. HA. I'm a dork.

The good news is I mailed off my paperwork, and so hopefully that will be processed soon. And I was actually more productive not being in class than I would be in class. I also had a moment of clarity as I walked back from the town to the university from mailing off the paperwork. I realized the reasons why I haven't been feeling like myself here, and what I need to do to feel better. After thinking about this some more, I really felt at peace.

Why did it take me so long to figure this out, I don't know. It might have to do with the fact that I've been pretty much alone all day. I can be a social butterfly, and I think I'm okay at networking when I want to, but I need more time alone here. Living in a dorm, I feel like there is always someone knocking on my door, or something fun to do, or someone to study with. Which isn't a bad thing. I'm sure if these things weren't happening, I'd be complaining about being alone. But being alone much of the day felt really great, and I think it helped me calm down. I also found this adorable coffee shop in town. They had cool art and photography on the walls, great music playing, a bay window and comfy couches. I felt so at home. Hanging out and debating with friends in coffee houses is one of my favorite things to do...which may indicate my race according to Stuff White People Like. Mr. CK (maybe I should change your nickname to Rockband) e-mailed me this link. It's funny because, you know, I'm in grad school, and he wants to go back. And because we used to hang out in coffee houses a lot. Austin has a ton of unique coffee houses, and I know I will miss them when I leave Austin for good.

Back to work. Test for Week #6 is tomorrow. 9 weeks is soooo long.

And all of ya'll in Texas, stay safe and out of the hurricane's way. Love ya'll much!

How I Love to Procrastinate, And Hate the Procrastinator

2008-07-22T20:31:00.000-07:00

1. I misread the information, and thought I had two more weeks than I do.

2. I'm starting to panic about now.

3. The cobwebs are thick. I'm more absent-minded and forgetful than Sofia from the Golden Girls (RIP...)

4. I have a quiz tomorrow!!

But, just because I'm actually an optimist at heart(could you tell? :P), I'll end this post with things that I love here.

1. Ice Cream!...mmmmm....ice cream.

2. The library. I love the windows, the desks, the chairs that lounge the quiet, and of course the free printing! Bezplatno! Seriosno!

3. Dandelions!

4. Fireflies. There are lightning bugs here almost every night, and they make me smile.

5. stars.

6. Seeing fireflies and stars when I walk home from the library...and the fact my route home from the library leads straight to a chapel, and then I take a sharp right turn (like I used in marching band) to get to my dorm.

7. My green polka-dotted comforter. And the fact that I can say my green polka-dotted comforter in Russian. Booya.

8. My green polka-dotted umbrella matches my comforter...and I didn't even plan that!

9. The fact that I drew the Texas State Flag on my wipe-off board on my door...and it resembles the Texas State Flag

10. sunrises and sunsets over real mountains.

...procrastinating... ;)

Laughter

2008-07-22T12:59:00.001-07:00

Today in razgovor (conversation class), we were assigned to read some classified ads for men and women looking for "companions." First of all, this is always a funny topic. Second of all, trying to explain what we are looking for in a companion in Russian can be quite hilarious. By the end of class I was crying from laughter. And I wasn't the only one. When Bogdanchik said he wanted to find a krepkoi girl...and he meant, like someone who is stable, but what he said was that he wanted a sturdy woman-with a hefty connotation-we were all dying of laughter. Including the professor. Apparently krepko is a better word for a man than a woman. But I'm sure some men like their women...err, sturdy, kak stol...hahahaha like a table-yeah, it doesn't make sense in Russian either, just in case you were wondering; but it is ridiculously funny to those individuals in the 1st group of the 4th class. Just ask us. We'll tell you.

But anyways, it is an interesting subject in general. I don't know exactly what I want in another person. I know I want someone focused on their work, and doesn't mind that I'm focussed on mine as well. I want someone who could make me laugh when I feel like crying. I want him to be affectionate and caring. I want someone who can be light-hearted as well as serious when the time calls for it. I want someone who will wait for me to speak even if it takes me a long time to build the courage to say what I want to say. I want a quirky person, who doesn't mind my quirks. I want someone I can depend on, who is honest and faithful, and not afraid to work hard for a relationship. And who will remind me to be better person...and that I can't always have everything I want. I'm 25 years old, and I've never ever been in a serious relationship. I can't say that this fact doesn't bother me sometimes, but really, most of the time it doesn't. It's not something I think about often. I just feel that when I meet the right person, I'll know it. And they will too. And time and timing are irrelevant to me. You can meet someone at the wrong time in life. But only you can decide that it's the wrong time.

One thing that really amazes me about most people I meet is how they have their whole life planned before they meet someone. I believe that when I love someone, I'll be willing to compromise and figure out what's best for us, not just myself or the other person. For example, I can't tell you how many single women I know who can tell you exactly what kind of wedding they want with flowers and colors all picked out. And they probably could do this since they were 5 years old. That's not me at all. And men. Men who will tell you that they know they want to be married by the time they turn 35, right after they finish grad school, or once they are in the work place. Really? How do you know exactly when you will meet the right person? I mean, what if you find the love of your life, and you still have 2 years left of school, or you don't meet her until after you've been working for several years? I guess, for me personally, I find it difficult to imagine exactly what I want out of life without knowing who will be in my life. I know in general terms what I want. I want to finish grad school, have a real job for once in my life, and be my spectacularly independent and single self...even after I find that other person. And I can explain that to you. But I think the specifics takes time to figure out, and depends on the other person as well.

And now it's time to work. Poka! Schastlivo!

Я забыла...

2008-07-21T18:27:00.000-07:00

I forgot to post the poems we've had to memorize thus far this summer. Some I've liked, some I've loved, and a few I think I may even remember after this. Literature, especially Russian literature, is extremely important in the Russian culture. It's absolutely amazing to me that every single Russian you will ever meet, no matter what age, will know a handful of poems by heart. Most Russians recognize a reference to a literary figure, an author, a poem, or a book, whether or not that reference actually exists is questionable at times. But others, are very clear. The more familiar I become with the Russian culture, the more I too am able to pick out a reference every now and then.

I think I have the absolutely most perfect example for my mostly American audience to help explain what I am talking about. My neighbor, the Kanadka, bought some Russian rap music when we were in Brighton Beach. On the way home, we were listening to a song entitled Voprocy (Questions) by Timati, and all of a sudden I realized that I already knew the chorus! Part of the chorus was a poem by Fyodor Tyutchev, and we had memorized this poem only last week for class. How amazing is that!! I mean, seriously, think about it. Ever hear of an American rapper throw in some Edgar Allen Poe or Dickinson...? No, I didn't think so.

Tyutchev was well-known for being a Russophile, believing that Russia was neither Asian, nor European, but distinctly Russian. Which, as you might guess, resonates strongly with how many Russians feel today. I'm not going to attempt to translate the poem myself, and I don't really have enough time to find a good translation right now. But here is the poem, anyways. Enjoy! I'll try to post others I've memorized later.

Умом Росию не понять,

Аршином общие измерить;

У ней особенная стать

В Россию можно только верить

(1866)

Федор Тютчев (1803, 1873)

Where do a bunch of students of the Russian language go when they have a 3-day weekend?

2008-07-20T04:50:00.000-07:00

Brighton Beach, of course. Where all of your dreams of speaking Russian with Russians can come true.

I had a lot of firsts on this trip. Paid my first toll road toll. Drove in the state of New York...state of course; city would have been frightening. Slept in my first hostel, which, btw, was located in the most dangerous place I think I have ever been in. I was really surprised by Brooklyn. I guess that means I'm still a lot more sheltered than I'd liked to admit. It was not a place that you could walk alone at night. And I was really surprised that the people I went with were okay staying there. I didn't want to say anything because it wasn't my car, my reservation, etc. But I was definitely willing to pay a little more and stay somewhere less scary if someone had said something.

After we got settled in at the hostel, we ate dinner and played in the Atlantic Ocean a bit at Brighton Beach. At least I played a bit. Some people in our group didn't even take their shoes off! How can you go to a beach and not get your feet wet!?!? I will never understand.

You could tell we were getting closer to Brighton Beach as we could hear more and more people speaking Russian on the metro. We ate at this Russian restaurant, which was true to form. Service was painstakingly slow, food was pretty good, and they overcharged me. But being in a big group I wasn't about to say something knowing that if I did, it would probably take another half-hour to get it fixed. I wished I had had a pen, and I would have written down what I owed, and left. After dinner, we went to a Russian store. The store was really cool. Others purchased books and cd's, but I didn't buy anything. I saw about 30 things I wanted to buy. And I cannot make a decision to save my life, so I went with nothing. Nothing was cheaper, less time-consuming, and able to fit in my suitcase. Besides, I figured if I'll be in Russia in the fall, I might be able to get a lot of these things that I want then. I need to seriously make a list of things that I've been wanting too, that way I don't just start making random purchases like I always do.

In all, I'm glad I went, though I don't know if it was the best decision for me emotionally. I had some serious doubts mainly about going with this group of people and then being in Brooklyn. It's important for me to keep in mind, that my present group of companions don't really know me, and I don't know them. For example, they don't know what I and my mom do when someone burps or hiccups, they don't know how I feel about politics and political correctness, what's my favorite movie, or how it's difficult for me to explain myself sometimes. And I don't know what they think about or how they act either. Apparently.

My neighbor also went on the trip as well, which made me feel better about going, but she felt uncomfortable at times b/c she was the last of the last to decide to go. At first, I didn't think it was a problem, b/c one of the people driving told me she had a lot of room in her car for more people when she invited me. And I called the hostel to check if there was enough room in the room. And they said yes. Well, the truth was, the cars were packed with people, and the hostel overbooked themselves. Making life a bit awkward all the way around. I felt guilty because I wanted P to go, and I know she really wanted to go, but I still don't know if everyone was okay with the fact that I and her went. Hopefully I am simply worrying too much about this too.

But besides that, it was a neat trip...a bit chaotic for the short amount of time we had. Others stayed two nights, and are coming back today, which might have made for a more relaxing trip, but I have so much work to do, I knew that was impossible for me. And now it's time to face the day...and the rain.

Now, I have an essay to write, paperwork to fill out, and possibly a movie to watch. Need to get crackin'!

Hmmm.

2008-07-17T07:41:00.000-07:00

It just occurred to me that my time slot for my oral exam is during lunch. Ridic.

today

2008-07-17T00:30:00.000-07:00

or yesterday, rather.

I explained in Russian what a consumer basket was, how it works, and how to define the CPI (consumer price index)...maybe I did learn something in my micro policy course after all. im really surprised that i could do that on the spur of the moment. of course, i don't know all of the terminology in russian, but i was able to explain clearly and succinctly.

tomorrow. or today, rather. i have two exams. one regular kontrolnaya rabota and one oral exam. i've prepared 5/7 topics. i need to prepare for one more tomorrow am and spend the next two hours studying in the library for the exam. thanks to simple probability theory i know that in the best case scenario there is a 12% chance that I will have to speak about a topic that i really don't want to. I feel confident about 4/7 topics, and if i don't like the first ticket, we get to pull another. Though, it could really backfire on me, b/c what if I pull the ticket that I haven't prepared for on the second turn...there's a 1/6 chance of that occurring once I decide I don't want to do the first ticket. And if you add 1/7 and 3/6, there's a 64% chance that I won't like the topic on the second try. Therefore, only if I pull the ticket I didn't prepare for on the first try, will I decide to pull another ticket. so la-tee-dah dr. sound effects. maybe i learned something in that class too...

im not nervous, and hopefully that's not a bad thing. though, i do not normally speak well in front of others. after that, we have the regular test at 1:30. And then after that, the 3-day weekend of R&R begins! I can't wait!

mid-summer consultations...

2008-07-15T13:24:00.000-07:00

ne ploxo. no ne ochen xorosho. as i suspected my reading comprehension is significantly higher than my ability to speak, and speaking is higher than my ability to write, but only slightly. im really worried that the grammar is not sticking with me. and i don't know how to fix it. attend more office hours i guess...yra. i want to do better. and i will...

I'm really homesick today. It kicked in when I called my mom to wish her a happy b-day, and then during lunch I just had to leave. I couldn't sit there any longer with everyone. I'm usually pretty good at not showing how I really feel, but today I think people can see that I'm not my cheery self...It's beautiful outside. But all I want to do is go home and see friends and family. And the fact that it's a three-day weekend and it's physically impossible for me to go home is bothering me. There are other things that are bothering, but I don't want to get into that. I feel like my entire personality is being stifled by the Russian language. This week will have been the longest I've been out of the Great State of Texas, ever. I wish I could be home celebrating with my mom, aunts, and grandpa. We always seem to want what we can't have...

Everyone is trying to make plans for the long weekend. I still don't know what I'll do, if anything. I also don't want to eat in this cafeteria anymore. Or pretend like I'm happy when I'm not...

I need to focus on Russian. And solely Russian for the next few weeks...

It worries me to be this honest on a blog. About how I feel. I guess I can always delete this post later. I would say approximately 18-20 people who know me, read this blog, or have my permission to read it. Sometimes I worry that being honest on here will make others worry about me, which is not my intention. I only wish to record how I felt and what I thought on a given day. Like how much I like ellipses...

No Improvement

2008-07-15T04:14:00.000-07:00

Last week when I said I didn't think studying more for this test helped...I was right...what's worse is that a total of 5 times, I wrote down the correct answer, and then crossed it out. 5. freaking. times.

I need to stop second-guessing myself. And not only in this respect.

Happy Birthday, Mama! Love ya much! *crystalline hugs*

Crys

Wow.

2008-07-14T17:18:00.000-07:00

Where has this day gone? I have a lot of work to do, and I know I wasted some time today, but really, time just flew by.

We have a three-day weekend...not exactly sure why. But I am glad we will have some time off. I have no idea what I'll do. However, that means I'm taking an oral exam and a regular test on Thursday. And, I ended up with the last time slot for oral exams....which freaking sucks. I don't think that has ever happened to me ever before in a lottery, so I guess it was my time to lose, statistically speaking. It also means that I will finally have some time to fill out this blessed paperwork. Hopefully I'll finish that soon.

Ah...so last post I wanted to explain the crystalline hug. But in order to do that, I guess I need to explain a little about myself. I'm not a very affectionate person. When I do act affectionately, it means something to me, and hopefully to the other person. The only people I hug with any regularity are my parents and sister...and I only try to hug my sister every chance I can because I know she hates it...b/c even though I'm the older sibling, I act like the younger one and bug her to no end whenever possible.

Anyways, I think everyone in my circle of friends is by now pretty much aware that it's not really pleasing to me to give hugs every single day, for every single occasion, and/or for no reason. In my opinion, affection begs a reason. And hopefully that reason is pure and innocent. Don't get me wrong, with the right person, or someone I feel a connection to, I always want to give a hug. On a special occasion, like a departure hugs can be great ways to show you care...I delved out a plethora of hugs before I left A-town. But the everyday hug-the hi, I just saw you five minutes ago and I want to give you another friendly hug, does not interest me in the least. I simply don't understand, and it makes me feel awkward. And I know this is a peculiar viewpoint. I think most people are rather affectionate, and I do admire that in them.

Even when I was a small child, I would tell my mother I was too busy playing and didn't have time for a hug. Mama says this started when I was about two...it was so long ago, obviously I don't remember. But I've carried this childhood behavior with me over the last 20 odd years, and I think it's growing in popularity. You might even say it's "trendy" among my friends. So, here are the directions if you too would like to master the crystalline hug. I believe it's safe to try at home. Though, I wouldn't try to think too much about it, or you might just look constipated.

The Crystalline Hug

Step 1: Look at the person who wants to give you a hug, and you don't want to hug.

Step 2: Raise your arms and hands slightly above your head.

Step 3: Close your hands into fists and squeeze your eyes tight shut simultaneously, and say "mmm." I know step three can be tricky because there's so much going on at once. But I have faith in you. Also, the "mmm" is more like a tiny squeak, and is done only occasionally...you DON'T want to over use it, or you might make the other person feel awkward...

If you have any questions, you know how to contact me :)

Study Time!

Hiiiii World

2008-07-13T09:27:00.000-07:00

Oh my goodness. I need to study. And, I need to stop talking in English :( I feel like I keep relying on English too much to get me through the day...and I am therefore renewing my Russian speaking pledge...after I call my mommy today. :)

In other news, I have the best friends in the entire world. PB&_ and tsarinka sent me a video. ya skuchaju vas tozhe! there are also at least two people waiting for me when i come back also. :)*crystalline hugs* ...i'll have to explain what exactly a "crystalline hug" is someday. though, it's rather difficult without showing....

Yesterday, I went to Burlington with a couple of other people and shopped some. It was nice, though I wasn't feeling so great-sore throat for some reason. Vermont really is a beautiful state. I really want to go to the lake again. And this guy told me about a waterfall that isn't very far away that I really really want to go to...wish I could remember his name! I can't wait for my mom and sister to arrive so we can explore together in August.

Annoyed

2008-07-11T05:58:00.000-07:00

I'm annoyed. Finished taking test number 4, and I keep making stupid mistakes like not knowing the nominative plural of chairs and tables. I got both wrong, and am irritated. Those are things I learned 4, almost 5 years ago and it's difficult to pull them out of the cobwebs of my brain.

My professor has more faith in me than I do though. He told me that he knows I understand when I talk, or listen to others, but I just need to remember more...maybe that meant memorize more. I don't know. I'm translating what he said in Russian into my English interpretation. I know I keep making the same mistakes, and I am not sure why. I study a lot. I do all of the work, I read the chapters.

But yesterday, we started participles. And I was totally not prepared to do my homework on participles and study for this exam. Participles are the easiest things to recognize in Russian and understand intuitively, but the most difficult for me to learn how to make them myself, or use them correctly. Ugh. My head hurts. I never sleep well (if at all) the night before a test, and last night was no exception. But I was in a good mood this morning. I mean, I thought I had prepared really well for this test-more so than the last 3, and yet I don't think my test score will have improved. I started studying on Wednesday. But it seems that how I prepared still wasn't enough.

That is all. Sorry for complaining.

Update: That is not all. We have an oral exam next Thursday and one of the possible topics is discussing the American economy!?! wtf. seriously.

my packet!

2008-07-10T15:49:00.001-07:00

arrived! finally. and now i need to write down everything i did for the last 10 years of my life...hopefully that won't be too difficult...

Tragic Event

2008-07-10T06:59:00.000-07:00

Last night when I laid down to go to sleep, I felt something crawling on my arm, and I quickly tried to brush it off. I opened my eyes, and saw a really bright light flickering in and out and hovering around my elbow. At first I didn't know what to think, and I didn't know what it was. But then it occurred to me that it was a lightning bug!

Sadly, I had crushed the lightning bugs wings, but he wasn't dead yet. I softly placed him on the edge of the bed and watched his little light extinguish slowly. Every once in a while it would brighten back up, and then fade away. But finally, after a long time of waiting, it's little light just wouldn't shine any more.

I don't know why, but I was fascinated and incredibly sad watching this poor little creature die.

Anyways, I took quiz number two of this week. It went okay. I know I made at least two mistakes that I'm not proud of. It's always the little things that get me, and I'm frustrated by that. But I was happy to get out of the quiz to go to Reading Class, because today we read an actual story, and not just someone's biography. The short story was by Bunin, and I really enjoyed it. He is famous for his love stories, and writes about how love can be "sudden, rapid, headlong, like a sunstroke, but never-firm or long." After I read that about Bunin I knew I would like his works.

The story we read is called "Love of a Hunchback." And it was really really sad. A man, who is a hunchback receives this beautifully written anonymous love letter. She tells him all of the reasons she likes him, she tells him what she will be wearing when they meet. And he becomes very excited and nervous. He buys new clothes, goes to the barber, lalala. The day finally comes when they are supposed to meet, and he sees her for the first time, and is immediately surprised to find that she also has a hunchback! The idea of who she might be never even occurred to him...

to love someone else we must first love ourselves.

I often think I would love to be a professor of literature. But I don't have the patience to write critically; I simply love to read stories, poems, and prose. And I'm not creative to write anything myself. But I really admire those who can, like pushkin and ciel violin back in A-town.

Anyways, I think I will try to find more short stories by Bunin now. He's really interesting to me. Happy Thursday!

Check Out this Website :)

2008-07-09T17:26:00.000-07:00

One year of my life.

Смешный рассказ

2008-07-08T12:55:00.000-07:00

A funny little story.

My professor was helping me learn something today about imperfective and perfective cases. I think I'm having a problem because my brain was re-wired when I started learning Serbian. They have different rules for the imperfective and perfective, and it's taking me some time to figure where I am having problems...wish I had brought my Serbian book, just to read through the differences.

Anyways, that's not my funny little story. Because, that would have been boring, not funny.

So, while he was helping me, Prof. J asked me, "Otkuda vy?" "Where are you from?" (another side note, for those who speak Russian...I love saying vy, b/c I can think "ya'll" in my head :) )

I said, Ya iz Texaca. I am from Texas...and I gave him a funny look. Prof J. said, "ah, that explains it. I wanted to know why everyday you wear sweaters or bring a jacket to class."

Because I'm cold! duh. Most of the time, it's not hot here. Yesterday and today have been hovering around 90 degrees, which I consider warm, not terribly hot, but warm. So, yeah, it can be warm here...but then the few classrooms that are air-conditioned here are set on freezing. I walked in to reading class today, and I swear there was a 20 degree difference from the temperature in the hall, and the one the Russian professor had set in the room. So yes, I try to remember to bring sweaters with me everywhere I go, because Ya iz Texaca. Thanks, mom! For the package and cookies! :)

A Simple Want

2008-07-07T20:04:00.001-07:00

I so want chips and salsa from Hula Hut right now.

Maybe a Townlake Lemonade as well.

That is all.

Hopefully Yoga Will Help

2008-07-06T15:49:00.000-07:00

I don't know why, but I'm not in a great mood. I wish I was in Texas out on PB&_'s sailboat, watching a movie with M'Lady Shakespeare, playing scrabble with my mama, being a spaz with Jenajazz, speaking russian and dancing the night away with tsarinka, looking at the garden with my dad, eating a taco at torchy's with Miss Fashionista, drinking beers and playing games with J&J, simply reading a book that I want to read, arguing politics with friends, going to an art exhibit with the uncles, writing a paper that I decide the subject of, or eating food that I cook for myself.

Sorry for whining. No one can be happy all of the time.

Yesterday I had a perfect day at the lake. I swam, played games, I laid out in the sun. Today, I helped many a dandelion spread their seedlings. I also played volleyball. We beat the Japanese School. I ate a few jelly beans. I saw the stars Thursday, Friday, and Saturday night. Friday night I swang on a swing set. These are a few of my favorite things. And yet, I can't seem to turn this frown upside down.

But I think yoga just might help. That's in 30 minutes, and afterwards, I need to finish my essays, and call it a day. Tomorrow is a new beginning, and new chance to be a better person and not check facebook 5 times in a given day. Sickening, I know.

Update at 9:23 pm. Yoga and some taboo Timba'lake helped. :)

Picnic near an Ozera!

2008-07-05T05:49:00.001-07:00

Today we are going on a picnic near a lake! I'm really happy, because I think I'm getting a little stir crazy being in the same place all of the time.

I didn't sleep too well last night. Probably just nerves and excitement. I should have been really tired because yesterday we played all of these fun games for the 4th, like tug of war, egg on a spoon race-whatever that's called, volleyball...I love volleyball. I'm starting to regret that I didn't play volleyball in high school or in intramurals in college. Sister played volleyball in high school and in leagues, and went to volleyball camp. So volleyball was always around, and I always enjoyed it. But this is the first time in years that I've played with any kind of regularity and I love it. We have our first game tomorrow! I hope we win!

I think it helps that I really like the people here. From my neighbors, to my classmates, to the teachers and staff, everyone is so incredibly nice and fun to hang out with. Of course, there are a couple of weirdos, like this guy who insists on wearing a scottish skirt at least once a week, and is usually dancing everywhere he goes when he wears it. Yeah, totally weird. And I give him the classic crystalline grimace and glare every time I see him in it.

Anyways, I hope everyone else is having a good weekend. I know my parents are off to my great aunt and uncle's wedding anniversary. And it should be my sister's day off from work at her summer camp. Happy Saturday!

Just Try to Put this in Google Translate

2008-07-04T05:19:00.000-07:00

I dare you.

Свой свояка видит издалека.

Translation: Birds of a feather flock together.

My translation: His own (his very very own) brother-in-laws sees from afar.

Google Translation: His svoyaka sees afar.

This language is ridiculously hilarious.

in russian, there are two words for his, or hers, or theirs, or ours...

for example. his, is yevo. but his own (only used when in the same sentence...can't be a new idea...like separated by a comma or something), is svoi. for example, if i wanted to say he is riding his bike, i would say he is riding svoi bike, and not he is riding yevo bike because the second sentence with "yevo" "his" doesn't refer to "he." it refers to some other guy we may or may not know about. so it's important to remember to use svoi.

that is all.

My mug is bigger than the microwave

2008-07-03T20:06:00.000-07:00

Therefore, I cannot make tea.

chyt chyt funny. but bolshe sad chem funny.

Town Hall Meeting At LBJ????

2008-07-03T17:25:00.000-07:00

God, I may start reading the news in English because I feel like I'm missing out on a lot right now!

My ~~one~~ guilty pleasure here is to listen to Meet the Press. Right now I'm studying and listening to the podcast of Meet the Press, and Tom Brokaw asked Governor Schwartzenager if he thought the townhall meeting at the LBJ School and some other place was a good idea...!>!>! Shto!? What!? What's happening!

Moments That Can Turn Your Day Around

2008-07-03T12:20:00.000-07:00

Well, I don't think I woke up on the right side of the bed this morning. And I definitely woke up late, on the wrong side of the bed, which is not how I like to start my day. But I got over it, quickly showered, grabbed a bagel, and ran to class.

In class I felt exhausted, I completely lacked energy to function, and when we received our quiz back, I was not happy. I made 3 stupid mistakes, and 2 arguable ones where I don't quite agree with how my answers were read. So, I got a "xorosho" instead of an "otlichno"...basically the difference between an B and an A. Grrr.

"Conversation" class went a little better, because I was able to explain in Russian that I thought schools in America faced similar stratification problems that schools in Russia faced, like distribution of resources across geographical regions, inner-city schools versus suburban areas, and rural areas...Yeah, I was kinda impressed with what I had to say in Russian. I really like my Russian professor and I think that helps.

Then, after morning class, a friend of mine called who I haven't talked to in a long time. I had to run out of the dorm in order to find a safe place where I could speak in English freely for 30 minutes, which was kinda funny. Miss Beauty Queen and I met the same time I met DMB Fan. We were all in Russian class together... she is definitely the number one friend I think about when I think about undergrad. I hardly ever get to talk to her any more, because our lives have led us to different places, but when we do have a chance to talk, things to talk about always come very effortlessly to me. Miss Beauty Queen and I chatted about life in SA, Austin, and I told her about life in Vermont. It was funny, as soon as I said I really liked it here and the weather, the ginormous mosquitos started to attack me and I had to find a different place to talk. But other than that it was a pleasant talk. And it really brightened my day to talk to her. I think we got off the phone just in time before I had too much of an English word vomit moment...anyways, if you read this Miss Beauty Queen, I hope you get your job!!

Although it feels like it is becoming easier and easier to speak in Russian, there are still things to say that only friends or family know about or understand. For example, why I absolutely refused to participate in a club that I thought was about Russian Folk Art, that I discovered was really about Russian Arts and Crafts...painting a bowl and coloring...things like that...I don't have to explain in English or Russian to my family and friends why it was impossible to even think I would participate in that club. ;)

Thursdays in Austin

2008-07-03T08:12:00.000-07:00

I loved Thursdays in Austin. It was always a great day to hang out with friends, grab a beer or a glass of wine, or go dancing. I know my friends in Austin will be doing all of these things tonight while I study, a lot for a test.

Feeling slightly homesick about now.

Agh

2008-07-03T08:09:00.000-07:00

where is my application packet? the final step for me to actually go to Russia this fall is to fill out an application packet, and i can't b/c i haven't received it yet. very very strange. i've been waiting forever for it, and i've been in e-mail contact with them and they keep telling me it will arrive ___, or wait we meant _____, and now they say they will mail it the last week of june...and here it is now the first week of july, and where is packet?!?!

Happy Canada Day! Канадский День!

2008-07-01T18:36:00.001-07:00

I never actually want to study for a quiz. I more or less think that if I haven't learned something prior to the night before a test or exam, there's no real point in trying to learn a whole bunch of facts that I'm going to forget by tomorrow afternoon.

Tomorrow the quiz is going to be over glagoli (verbs) and using them as imperatives, negative imperatives and the nuances between perfective and imperfective aspect, and a combination of imperative:perf. imperative: imperfect., negative imperative imperfective, and negative imperative perfective. There are definitely rules to follow. But sometimes when it comes to Russian, you really have to think about what sounds best, and go with that. Unfortunately I need to keep training my ear because I'm not that natural at knowing quickly which verb to choose and which aspect, but that's why I'm here in the first place.

Moya sosedka (my neighbor) is such a sweet person. Every morning/day/evening we knock on each other's doors in order to go to breakfast/lunch/class/dinner/library. We are kinda adorable like that. :) She's from Canada, and I think she's the first real Canadian I ever met. :D I mean, I don't really know about Canada or Canada Day or what that means (though I don't think she really knew either.) We also have problems communicating what the weather forecast is because she thinks in celsius, I in fahrenheit. For example, when she said today was kinda hot, I turned to her and said, "Seriosno? mne nikogda zharko zdes. V Texase, 90 i 100 zharkaya pogoda." "Seriously? to me it's never hot here. In Texas, 90 and 100 degrees is hot weather." haha. and she had no idea what I was talking about, and I had no idea what 26 or 36 degrees was either. But even if we cannot communicate about health care, the weather, or American politics, we still have a lot in common-like interests in shopping, learning Russian, and someday eventually finding "pravilnoya rabota," or "real jobs."

Now, I need to read. I have a lot of reading to do this evening...not sure why they gave us so much before a quiz, but it's probably better not to ask sometimes. Spokoinoi nochi!

Я вас любил

2008-06-29T15:44:00.000-07:00

Мне надо выучить стихотворение Пушкина эту неделю. Стихотворение называется "Я вас любил". К частью я уже выучила давно и по этому не будет трудно помнить, осовенно самое любимое россиское стихотворение. Может быть я чут чут не уникальная девушка потому что много людей любят "Я вас любил." Но, Стихитворение вневременое и классическое.

Я вас любил

Я вас любил: любовь еще быть может,

В душе моей угасла не совсем;

Но пуст она вас больше не тревожит;

Я не хочу печалить вас ничем.

Я вас любил безмолвно, безнадежно,

То робостью, то ревностью томим;

Я вас любил так искренно, так нежно,

Как дай вам Бог любимой быть другим.

А.С. Пушкин, 1829

I love this poem. It's absolutely beautiful. The first time I had to memorize it was my second year of college. Now I was again assigned this poem to memorize for this week. So it shouldn't be too difficult to remember. It is definitely one I hope to remember for the rest of my life.

An English translation will never do this poem justice. If you ever get a chance to listen to Russian recite this poem, you'll completely understand what I mean. But here's an English translation, regardless. If you google, I loved you + Pushkin, you'll find many variations in English.

Thanks

2008-06-28T19:39:00.000-07:00

Thanks to the friends and family who've either e-mailed or called me (in English or in Russian), or put up with my English-word vomit moments.... I miss you all and love ya much.

It helps to remember the people in my life when I sit here doing endless hours of homework trying to learn a language that seems impossible at times. Perfective and Imperfective tenses suck. In principle I understand, but the little nuances of intent, no intent, completed or simultaneous action...all start to blur and becomes confusing rather quickly.

Я видела водапод!!

2008-06-28T11:43:00.000-07:00

I saw a waterfall.

I need to learn how to say: Anyone interested in going hiking or kayaking, po-russki.

And I Thought Bureaucracy At My School Was Bad

2008-06-27T12:02:00.001-07:00

All I needed was an enrollment verification form, and it took two unanswered e-mails and 4 visits to the registrar's office to get a letter certifying my enrollment. I'm on a first-name basis with the secretary now, but I finally got my form.

Ridiculous.

Today is Friday so I'm elated to have two days to myself, as well as worried about how the test went this morning. Also, I need to re-write an essay because I used a lot of "english syntax". :( But other than that, life is good in this little town.

Мне надо решить, что делать

2008-06-26T07:02:00.000-07:00

В августе, моя подруга, Ф, выходит замужем и мне надо решить ли я хотела ехать к свадбе. Я бы хотела ехать, но я не буду закончится в универстит летом до 15 Августа, и ее свадба проходит в 2 августа. Кроме того, у меня нет много денег пуществовать в остин один викенд. В дело том, я хочу видеть много людей, которые будет на свадбе. Как обычно, как всегда, я не знаю что делать.

Идет дождь здесь сейчас. Вам удивило? Вы не должны. Скоро я хочу побегать по университету. Мне надо стирать одежды еще. И конечно, мне надо заниматься потому что завтра пятьница, и каждая пятьница у нас есть екзамен. Я надеюсь что экзамен не будет очень трудно. Мне надо слышать преподавателям осторожне чем я слышаю теперь.

I need to decide what to do.

In august, my friend, f, is getting married and i need to decide if I would like to go to the wedding. I would like to go but I will not be finished with this summer program until August 15, and the wedding is August 2. Also, I don't really have a lot of money to travel to austin for one weekend. The thing is, though, that I really want to see a lot of the people who will be at the wedding. So like usual, like always, I don't know what to do.

It's raining here right now. Are you surprised? You shouldn't be. Soon I want to run around the school. I also need to do some laundry. And of course, I need to study because tomorrow is Friday, and every friday we have a test. I hope the test will not be difficult. It's necessary for me to listen more carefully than I currently do to the teachers.

Будет кровь

2008-06-24T15:30:00.000-07:00

очень смешно!!!

for some reason, i find translating american movie titles into russian extremely funny.

seriously, im tired.

2008-06-24T07:12:00.000-07:00

Ugh, I didn't have a terrible amount of homework last night. And by not terrible, I think I spent about 3 1/2 hours on it. But today I have simply stellar amounts of work. Including an essay for a long-winded professor who chose to start with the tsarist education system, then the soviet system, then perestroika, then the 90's, and worked her way up to today into what she wanted us to write about(all of which was completely irrelevant to what she wanted us to write about): do i think primary and secondary education should be taught together, and do i think boys and girls should study together. hell no to the first. hell yes to the second. im tempted to figure out how to say that in russian and turn it in...but i don't have the guts. brevity should be the key to life.

Yesterday I went for a run for the first time here, and it was great. It felt really good to be outside, and able to let my mind roam free for a while. But now, I gotta start making some flash cards. I have a feeling there is going to be a verb quiz tomorrow by the way the professors were talking today.

bla da bla bla bla

2008-06-23T07:23:00.001-07:00

I broke down and bought a coffee mug from the campus store. Mom said I wouldn't need one and I didn't really have any room in my suitcases for one. But now, since I need to be up at 6:15 (or if I am running late 6:30, or incredibly late like this morning 7:15) called for drastic measures. After class, I went straight to the store and bought one.

I'm such an indecisive person. I probably stood there for about 10 minutes trying to decide between a blue mug, or a green one. One of the guys here had bought a blue one, and the blue one would have matched my backpack, but I went with the green one. I've been in a green and yellow mood lately. And black. These are the colors I seem to be buying the most of lately. I don't know why I think about these things so much. It's slightly weird.

It was raining this morning but now it's incredibly beautiful outside. Dad told me that it's starting to really heat up in Texas; soon it'll be reaching the 100's and our garden will completely die. But here everything is green and slightly damp all of the time. I have to keep reminding myself that I'm almost in Canada.

I'll leave my small readership with a clip from Cheburashka, where Gena the Crocodile sings about the Blue Train Car. Gena reminds me of Charlie Brown a lot.

Oh, and by the way...I've only heard from Sassy Fashionista (Top Chef Gal, do you approve of your new nickname?), Tsarinka, and my family! Write me an e-mail and tell me what's going on with you. PB&_, I hear there is a cute youtube video clip that I need to see. :P

J

2008-06-22T12:25:00.000-07:00

J was a really sassy, proud, and aware individual. On more than one occasion she fact-checked and called out a professor or two on a comment they had made. That was extremely funny to watch. Like me, she voted for Hillary Clinton in the primaries. I remember when we were watching one of the primary counts on CNN at school together. The few of us who were voting for Hillary all huddled together and quietly cheered whenever Hillary pulled ahead in one state or another.

I'm upset with myself for not making more of an effort this past year to hang out with my school friends. I did do some things, but there were several occasions where I said I would do something, and didn't, and usually for not very good reasons. For example, right before I left, my friend F had a bachelorette party. I could have gone, but didn't because I had to pack, or had to do something. I don't even remember what I had to do. I don't think I will even be able to make it to her wedding in August. So I knew the bachelorette party would be my last opportunity to hang out with some school friends before I left until next January, when I returned to school. I thought, you know, I'll see them next year. I'll make more of an effort to be a better friend then...but little did I know it would have been my last opportunity to hang out with J, to laugh with her, to hear about her life, and her plans for the summer.

Last night, I don't know, maybe it was because I suddenly felt extremely tired, maybe it was because I was thinking about J, I just felt very sad, and couldn't really concentrate on what other people were saying (maybe because they were speaking in a foreign language!). I just wanted to be home with friends and family.

And so I sit here in the library thinking. about her, and people in my life that I need to show how much I do care about them. It's finally hitting me that I won't really see many people until next January. And that's a really long time away.

They played my favorite song in memory of Tim Russert this morning on his show, Meet the Press. Some day I'll wish upon a star...

I hope my friends and family are doing well! I miss you all dearly.

Ушел с ветром

2008-06-22T06:48:00.000-07:00

это смешно, да?

I don't know why, but saying "Gone with the wind" in Russian cracks me up. hilarious.

Дискотека!

2008-06-21T17:21:00.000-07:00

Вчера вечером была дискотека. Я рада что я пошла, но я не знала ли я хотела пойти. Раньше Я смотрела кино, но не знаю как называется. Мне не очень нравится потому что женщини в филме очень печалные и не важные. У них нет власти но у мужчин есть власть. Как русская жизнь я догадываюсь. Они влюбились на мужчин но мужчиные не любят женщини. Я бы не хотела смотреть кино снова. Это нихороши фильм.

Я устала, и я хотела заниматься по больше вчера но на пятьницу и вчера вечером мы пошли в бар и я не спала хорошо. Сегодня я занимаюсь, и занимаюсь, и занимаюсь... :(

Last night there was a diskoteka. I'm glad that I went, but at the time I didn't know whether I wanted to go. Earlier I watched a movie, but I don't remember what it is called. I didn't like it very much because the women in the film were really sad and not important. They would fall in love with the men, but the men didn't fall in love with the women. They just used them. I wouldn't watch this film again.

I am tired, and I wanted to study a little more, but on Friday and last night we went to a bar (the only bar in town) and I didn't sleep very well. Today I will study, and study, and study... :(

Пятьница!

2008-06-21T05:29:00.000-07:00

На пятьницу, мы пошли на "вечеринку." Но вечеринка была чут чут странная. Наши преподаватели с нима играли игры "телефон" и "шарахады" которые были очень смешные.

Раньше на улице мы слышали музыку. Много людей научат играть на гитаре и скрыпке и мандолине. Мне очень нравилось.

On Friday, we had a "party." It was an organized affair, and a little strange. Our teachers played games with us like telephone and charades, which was quite funny.

Earlier, outside, we listened to music. A lot of people here know how to play the guitar, violin, and mandolin. It was so fun to listen to them play as the sun set. I can't get over how pretty it is here.

Я выучила...

2008-06-20T08:53:00.000-07:00

I have now memorized the birthday song of Russia, courtesy of Gena the Crocodile from the cartoon show-Cheburashka.

You can watch the song here.

Remembering Others

2008-06-19T07:47:00.000-07:00

I'm trying to limit the amount of time I spend on the computer daily. Of course, I do check my e-mail, and update this here blog, but I think I'm doing a good job of limiting my English speaking/reading/writing. And it's working. I really can feel the difference. Speaking in Russian is coming more naturally to me, I don't have to think about the structure of my ENTIRE sentence before I say it.

But even though I feel like I'm living in a Russian world, I know that things are still happening outside of this school. Yesterday, I received an e-mail from my graduate school that informed us about the death of a colleague and friend. She apparently died very suddenly while completing an internship dealing with her lifelong passion: education. This is extremely sad news, because she was a very bright, kind-hearted, and fun person. She truly believed in public service and the public good. I met her in my economics class, and always enjoyed talking with her about school, politics, and the like. She really was a great person. Life is so short. We must appreciate every minute, and do what we can to improve the world around us and leave it a better place than how we found it. J did that.

Yay!

2008-06-18T13:31:00.001-07:00

Good News! My internship was approved by the school and I am getting my fellowship. I was beginning to think that they forgot about me. Yay!

In other news. I finally finished all of my entrance exams, and I am completely drained. At this school we have to take entrance and exit exams to help us measure our improvement. I almost wish we had done this over the weekend because I had a lot of free time this weekend. Now, however, I have no free time. With these exams, and trying to keep up with two courses instead of one, I've basically had no down time except when you see me writing these pathetic entries.

I'm taking a nap. I need one. And then dinner, and then work. Холодная погода в Вермонте но мне нравится побежать на улице если у меня было время.

After 2 Days

2008-06-18T08:11:00.000-07:00

After 2 days of Level 5, I decided to stay in Level 4. Although my ability to comprehend (thanks to E.M.) Russian and Russian text is pretty good, my ability to speak correctly and write grammatically correct is very much lacking.

...

So, this means, that I did homework for the wrong class for the last two days...homework that takes at least 6 hours a day to do...this means, that I have about 12 hours of homework plus homework for tonight, and anything that I missed that was assigned in class...and oh yeah, a required movie that I didn't go to b/c I was studying for the other course. and. that's it.

I have something to say about the demographics at this summer program. They suck. Almost everyone is white, I suspect upper-middle class, well-educated, and geographically oriented to the upper east coast. If they are from the west, they are from california, oregon, or washington. Average age is probably 23-26, with a few outliers. It's just strange to hear how people talk about life, but maybe it's because we are all forced to communicate in a foreign language.

I'm a rebel

2008-06-17T11:39:00.000-07:00

I read the news today...in English! gasp!

This may actually be working though. My Russian is already improving.

Also, it freaking rains everyday. And now it's freezing outside. Ridic. I guess cold is better than ginormous mosquitos.

Now, I will rest for 20 minutes before starting about 7 hours of Russian homework. But seriously, what else am I going to do here? After dinner I think I want to go for a run, though that was when it started lightning yesterday.